Gin Lane
“Drunk for 1d. Dead drunk for 2d. Clean straw for nothing.”
The D. of Montagu, Capt. of the Band of Gentleman Pensioners, dispatched circular Letters to revive the ancient Rules and Orders, viz. That five of the said Gentlemen shall attend every Day in the Anti-Chamber from 10 in the Forenoon ’till 2 in the Afternoon, and on every Drawing-Room Night from 8 ’till 12. This notice was something alarming the whole Band having of late looked on their Places as a Sort of sine Cures.
A Fire broke out at the Queen’s-Head Punch-House, at St Katherine’s near the Tower, about 3 in the Morning, which in a few hours, the Wind being high, consumed near 40 Houses. — About an Hour before Noon, the Wind being increased to a Storm, at W. and W. S. W. so violent as has not been known since that memorable one Novemb. 27. 1703 ; in Comparison of which it was of longer Continuance, but some think not so violent. In London it threw down several Houses and Stacks of Chimneys, shattered Windows, and also covered every Street with Tiles ; in the Country Churches were stripped, many Barns and some Houses blown down, and Trees without Number torn up by the Roots, and laid cross the Roads. But the greatest Damage was done to the Shipping ; Wrecks were to be seen everywhere along the Coasts ; several Ships of the Royal-Navy, at Portsmouth and Plymouth were drove ashore, or lost their Masts, and Rigging ; several Boats were cast away on the Thames, but larger Vessels escaped better there than in other Harbours. Thirty-six large Trees were laid flat in St James’s Park — 360 in the Parish of Stockton, Wiltshire — 100 in the D. of Queensbury’s Paddock at Amesbury — 80 in St Piers Walk in Monmouthshire — 2000 l. Damage some to the fine Grotto, Park and Park Walls of Mr Scawen at Carshalton, Surrey. The Rivers being high from the great Rains before, and during the Storm, the Waters were forced over their Banks and overflowed the low Lands ; Sheep and other Cattle were lost in some Places, in others the People took to their Upper Rooms to secure themselves from the Inundations that were on every Side. But we have not Room to enumerate more Particulars of the Damage done before 6 o’Clock in the Evening, about which Time it abated ; nor indeed is it necessary ; for the Effects of it were perceived in much the same Manner, at the same Time, in every Corner of the Kingdom, and consequently by all our Readers. But we must not omit the Good, occasioned by this dreadful Tempest, to the Harbour of Wisbech which is deepened by the Freshes to above 15 Foot Water, so that Ships come up to the Town, which saving Lighteridge, will be of great Service to the Trade of that Part. The Price of Tiling and Workmen were raised double in many Places on this Occasion.
At 8 o’Clock at Night, 5 Men knocked at the Door of Mr Saunders as his House in Charlton in Kent ; being opened, they rifled it of every Thing valuable they could carry off, using the Family in much the same Manner, as, ’tis thought, the same Gang, did Farmer Skinner in Essex. A few Nights before they robbed a Gentleman’s House at Croydon. One of them has since been taken, and committed to the New Goal in Southwark.
Ended the Sessions at the Old Bailey, on the Middlesex Side, when four Persons received Sentence of Death, viz. Eliz. Armbrooke, for the Murder of her Bastard-Child ; Wm Williams, alias Faukner, for stealing a Shew-Glass, value 27 l; Jane Herbert, for breaking open the House of Michael Mollington, and stealing Things to the Value of 10 l ; and Eliz. Stevens, for robbing Margaret Todd on the Highway. Stevens pleaded her Belly, but was found Not quick with Child.
Sir Malcont Everham, nephew of Lord Wolfenden, murdered by Footpads.
Received Sentence of Death, at the Old Bailey on the London Side, Ralph Jones, for stealing a silver tankard from the Boar’s-Head Alehouse in Fleetstreet ; and Mary Owen, for robbing her master, Mr Chitty, of 22 l. Owen pleaded her Belly, and was found Quick ; 13 were cast for Transportation.
The Court of King’s Bench discharged a Rule obtained against the Ld Derby for him to shew by what Authority he took upon him the Office of Mayor of Liverpool, not having taken the Sacrament within 12 Months before his Election, pursuant to the 13 Car. 2.
The House of Lords finished the great Case long depending between the Lord Mayor, &c. and the Cheesemongers, in Relation to their paing a Toll on landing of Cheese, and determined it in Favour of the Ld Mayor.
A cause was tried in the Court of Common-Pleas, at Westminster, between a Pawnbroker, Plaintiff, and a Justice of Peace, Defendant, on and Action for false Imprisonment, and the jury gave a Verdict for the Defendant.
Being the Anniversary of K. Charles’s Martyrdom, the Bp of Landaff preached before the House of Lords, from Hosea x. 6. Dr Crow before the House of Commons from Prov. xvii. 14 and Dr Collins before the Lord Mayor, Aldermen, &c. from 1 Pet. ii. 17.
Mr Whiston has informed the Publick, that the Report of his foretelling a Comet to appear 1736, that should destroy or hurt the Earth, is entirely groundless ; and that he knows of no Comet coming before 1758, which yet will no way Damage the Earth.
In Consequence of the late Invasion attempt: Widespread pursuit of Traitors – arrests of Foreigners throughout – Tower “near to overflowing”
Lord F—’s dogged obsession – regrettable demises – the Tower menagerie – puppy love – dining with the monster – an unexpected move – an unexpected player – stalemate, for now.
Mr John Pycroft, Brewer in the Minories, worth 40,000 l.
Rob Roy, the famous Scots Highlander
Miss Jane Maria Calcott, a great Beauty, and the Toast of the Beau Monde, in Soho.
The Rev. Mr Bradshaw, after performing divine Service at Hampstead Chapel, returning home, dropt down dead.
John Mayo, Esq; aged 78, a great Favourite of K James II. who settled on him for Life 800 l. per Ann. with Leave to jointure a Wife in 300. and he bestowed that Favour on a Maiden Gentlewoman a few Days before he died.
Nathanial Micklethwaite, Esq; at Croydon suddenly as he was washing his Hands.
SOME young Noblemen and Gentlemen met at a House in Suffolkstreet, called themselves the Calve’s Head Club ; dress’d up a Calf’s Head in a Napkin, and after some Huzzas threw it into a Bonfire, and dipt Napkins in their red Wine, and wav’d then out at Window. The Mob had strong Beer given them, and for a Time halloo’d as well as the best ; but taking Disgust at some Healths propos’d grew so outragious, that they broke all the Windows, and forc’d themselves into the House, but Guards being sent for, prevented further Mischief.
Strange times when noble peers, secure from riot,
Can’t keep NOLL’S annual festival in quiet :
Attack’d by mob their generous wine set on fire,
With which th’ ungrateful rogues piss’d out their bonfire
Though Sashes broke, dirt, stones, and brands thrown at ’em;
Which if not Scand--was Brand-alum magnatum.
Forc’d to run down to vaults for safer quarters,
And in cole-holes their ribbons hide, and garters.
Their civet smell quite chang’d (whilst fear thus urg’d ’em)
As if for pox WARD’s pill or drop had purg’d ’em.
They thought (their feast in dismal fray thus ending)
Themselves to shades of death and hell descending.
This might have been, had stout Clare-Market mobsters,
With cleavers arm’d, out-marched St James’s slobsters :
Num sculls they’d split, to furnish other revels :
And make a calves head feast for worms and devils.
DACTYL, in the Grubstreet Journal
A Court Martial was held on Board Ship Princess Caroline at Portsmouth, on two Persons, viz. one the Master at Arms of the Lancaster, for Treasonable Expressions, who was acquitted. The other a Sailor for robbing his Friend who has treated him very handsomely, and being convicted, was sentenced to receive 3 several Days, 5 Lashes with a Cat-of-nine-tails at the Side of each Ship in Commission at Spithead and in the Harbour, which were upwards of 30 Sail, and then be brought ashore, with a Halter about his Neck, and dismiss’d the Service.
Accident befalls Curate of St Steven’s Beyond, slippery Steps blamed.
A Sessions of Admiralty was held at the Old Bailey, when Thomas Williams was arraign’d on 2 Indictments, viz. For being concerned in running away with the ship Buxton Snow, late Captain Beard, bound from Bristol to the Island of Malemba Angola in Africa, and selling the Ship ; and also the Murder of the said Captain Beard, by cutting his Throat with an Axe ; and was found guilty of Piracy, therefore was not tried for the Murder.
Captain John Penkethman appeared to take his Trial, for the Murther of one of his Sailors ; but the Grand Jury found the Bill Ignoramus, and declar’d it a malicious Prosecution.
About 11 o’Clock, the Peace Officers going their Rounds to the Publick Houses, to prevent disorderly Smoaking and Tippling in time of Divine Service, discover’d a private Mass-House, at a little Alehouse the back of Shoreditch, where near an hundred People were got together in a Garret, most of them miserably poor and ragged, and upon Examination appear’d to be Irish ; some few were well dress’d : Several Mass-books were found with them. The Priest made his Escape out of a back Door, leaving the rest to shift for themselves ; whereupon some got out of a Trap Door, and others, after giving an Account of their Names and Places of Abode, were let quietly depart. Notwithstanding a great many met in the Evening, at the same Place, declaring that Mass should be said there.
Riot at Smithfield – mob outrage at coining – extensive damage to Property – mysterious loss of Stock.
A great Number of Robberies have been committed this Month in the new Way, by Gangs of Rogues rushing into Houses ; binding and abusing the People, and robbing them ; particularly, the House of Mr Berry a Farmer near Gravesend, by 5 Men, of 16 l. &c. Mr Savage of Brockley in Kent, was robbed in the like Manner by 5 Persons mask’d ; and some others in Kent. The Houses of Mrs St John, at Chinkford, the Widow Shelley, at Loughton, Mr Split, at Woodford Mr Eldridge, at Walthamstow, and the Rev. Mr Dyde, at Parndon, all in Essex, have been forced and robbed ; 14 Persons armed entered the House of Farmer Francis, near St Mary le bone, and carried off Goods to the Value of 200 l. Farmer Lawrence’s at Edgware, in Middlesex, was robb’d in this Manner and his Maid ravish’d ; but several of the Villains being taken, the Country is in less fear.
February 1734: Mr Byron, Mr Darkin and Mr Arrows gave a short Advisement on Matters discover’d in the Ossuary of the parish Church of St Stephen’s Beyond; including a revival of ancient Bull Cults, and a banishment of a Bull Spirit to the nether Realms from the Smithfield Market where it lately manifested.
A Gentleman at Dalkeith in Scotland has invented a Machine for thrashing Grain, which in a Minute gives 1320 Strokes, as many as 33 Men threshing briskly. But as Men rest sometimes, and this Machine never stops, it will give more Strokes in a Day than 40 Men, by common Supples, and with as much Strength. It does not take more Room than two Men thrashing, but gets 6 per Cent, or one Peck more in a Ball out of the Straw than the common Way. It goes while a Water Mill is grinding, but may be turned by Wind or Horse. The Inventor has a Patent and can make them of smaller Sizes to do the work of 8 or 10 Men.
Mr Thomas Jefferies, Hair Merchant, married to Miss Godfrey, a Fortune of 6000 l.
Wm Mellish, Esq; –––– to Mrs Villa Real, Widow, Daughter to Mr Da Croft a rich Jew Merchant of this City, with a Fortune of 35,000 l.
Mr Adam Mason, worth 20,000 l. formerly a Warder in the Tower, but discharged with two others in 1716, on the Escape of the E. of Nithsdale the Night before he was to have been beheaded.
Being Her Majesty’s Birth-day, it was celebrated at Court with extraordinary Magnificence. The Nobility, &c. were dressed in an exceeding rich and grand Manner. The Ladies chiefly in Stuffs of Gold and Silver. The Gentlemen in cut and flower’d Velvets, and scarce any but our own Manufacture.
Ended the Sessions at the Old-Bailey, when 14 Malefactors received sentence of Death, viz. John Fielder, Wm Saunders, Joseph Rose, and Humphry Walker, for robbing the Houses of Mr Laurence and Mr Francis, Wm Walker alias Faulkner, Ric. Gulliford, Wm Isaacson and Rob. Jacks, for breaking the House of Ric. Ridgley, and stealing a Show-glass with Plate. Tho. Beaumont for sending a threatening Letter, for Money, to Mrs Penson near Bloomsbury-Market ; John Berkshire, for robbing Wm Naish of 10 Guineas ; Alexander Byrne for House-breaking ; J. Sindall, Anth. Lindsey and Ethelbert Hawks, for breaking the House of Mrs Love ; 3 were burnt in the Hand ; 38 cast for Transportation, and 41 acquitted.
The Assizes ended at Reading, when John Davis was burnt in the Hand for having two Wives. A remarkable Trial was to have come on between a Lady, late of Berkshire, Plaintiff, and her Husband, a Baronet in that County, Defendant ; she suing him for an Allowance of her Pin-Money, (agreed upon before Marriage) tho’ she was parted from him ; he insisting that it was never intended he should pay that Allowance but whilst they cohabited ; but the Case was put off until next Assizes. The only Reason pretended to be given for parting, is, that she having been married at about 16 had in the Space of 21 Years, 20 big Bellies, and 14 Children born alive, which was too much for her constitution ; so in 1729, being then about 40, she went from her Husband into a Monastery in France, and there lives in a very religious Manner.
At Aylsbury Assizes for Bucks, received Sentence of Death Philip Thomas for Horse-stealing ; and Mary Chandler, for robbing her Master ; she was reprieved ; but he according to his desire was convey’d to the Gallows on Horse-back, drest in his Shroud, with a Pair of white Gloves on, a Crape Hatband ty’d with a white Favour, and a Nosegay in his Hand. He was carried to the Grave by six young Men, and his Pall supported by six young Women drest in white chose out by him for that Purpose.
At Hartford Assizes John Smith was condemned for returning from Transportation, and robbing a Gentleman of Goods to a great Value.
At Northampton Assizes Ely Chevalier, convicted of publishing a forged Letter, was sentenced to stand on the Pillory ad to be kept to hard Labour.
At Kilverton on Norfolk, rose a Hurricane, which blew the Lead off the Church and the Tiles off a House and carried them some way in the Air ; and levelled a Piece of high-furrow’d Land just as if it had been harrow’d down ; it blew Water out of the River, and carried it a Furlong and a half, and a Hurdle from a Sheepfold over the Tops of the Houses : it continu’d but a short Time; extended not above a Mile, and ended in a sulphurous Smell.
The 13 following Malefactors, attended by a Guard of 50 Soldiers were executed at Tyburn, appearing bold and undaunted,viz. Rose, Saunders and Fielder, the Country Robbers, (Walker died in Newgate) Gulliford, Isaacson, Williams, Jacks, Sindall, and Hawks, Faulkner, Eliz. Ambrooke, Jane Harbane, and Eliz. Stevens.
Arrived the Bedford, Decker, and Newcastle East India Ships from Bengall.
Williams, the Pyrate, was hang’d at Execution-Dock ; and afterwards in Chains at Bugby’s-Hole, near Blackwall.
Was extracted, alive, from the Leg of a Sailor, in St Thomas’s Hospital, a Worm a Yard long, supposed to be produc’d from certain Animalcula in the Water of some Part of the Indies, whence lately he came ; and there are more to be extracted from him.
At Kingston Assizes for the county of Surrey received Sentence of Death, viz. William Sweet and Philip Wilkinson, for Sacrilege, in cutting off the Gold Tassels and Lace belonging to the Cushion and Pulpit-Cloth of Kingston Church ; John Robinson, a Physic Gardner at Mitcham, for assaulting John Taylor, a Pedlar, near Tooting, robbing him of 6 s. and cutting out Part of his Tongue, by the Assistance of the Pedlar’s wife dress’d in Man’s Cloathes Wm Priestley, for robbing a Scotchman of 10 l. Some Gentlemen of Middlesex communicated to the Grand-Jury their Design to procure an Act of Parliament for erecting a Bridge over the Thames at Westminster, and received their Thanks.
At Islington was great Alarm in the night when a Kiln of Mr Leery’s Brickworks burnt unusually brightly being of a curious Design whereby it was formed into a Tunnel or Hallway which catch’d the Wind from particular Directions with remarkable Efficacy. The Body of Flame issuing from the Kiln-Mouth took on curious Shapes ; driven to Madness by the Glare and Roar several Persons at the yard fled, some being killed in the Panic. The Alarm reaching Islington itself many took shelter in the Church to confess their Sins and pray for Forgiveness in Expectation that the Conflagration would engulf the World. Lord Foppingham, advising upon a new Fashion in Brick-Work, it is understood, led Efforts to deprive the Fire of Fuel which calmed the Flames by Dawn.
Notwithstanding the Number of Criminals condemn’d at the Old-Bailey, Street Robbers and Housebreakers abound and are very barbarous. Mr Ryan, of Covent-Garden Theatre, had two of his Teeth shot out, and Mr Gibson, a Baker of Islington, was almost killed and his House robbed.
Mr Timberlin, a Gardner, at Chelsea, died by the Bite of a mad Dog this month ; also a Lad in Suffolk, tho’ both several times dip’d in the Sea ; therefore it may be of Service, on this Account, to mention, that there is a Powder of Dr Mead’s, sold by the Apothecaries, which is a Specifick against such misfortunes, was never known to fail. — The following Powder, with the Use of the Cold-Bath, cold Spring, or River, is likewise recommended for the same Purpose, having lately cured Mr Wm Goss of Outwell in the Isle of Ely.
(Having washed the Blood from the Wound)
Of Earth-coloured Ground Liver-wort, reduced to Powder 10 Drachms, of Black Pepper, beaten to powder, 4 Drachms. Mix and divide them into 6 Parts, and take one every Morning in half a Pint of warm Milk.
A Report by Hon. Charles Cholmondeley-Fitzroy, Lord Foppingham.
Captain Speke’s Gin
To : Mr Berry, Secretary, Society for Effectual Redress.
Sir,
In accordance with the customs of our esteemed Society, I have the honour to submit for your Observation the following Intelligence, being an Account of the recent Motions of those worthy Fellows of our Club, Messrs Church, Elmhill, ben Ezra, and the Rev Munro, somewhat aided by Myself. For all that no one Principal, in search of Redress, has enlisted our Aid, we nonetheless hold it True that some Deviltry is plainly afoot, and have taken up the Burden of combating these latest dark Manifestations of the Juniper Scourge.
The business in hand was first observed thanks to the vigilance of some of the Hon Members above, they having witnessed a Riot in the street, evidently occasioned by mass consumption of Gin. Notwithstanding the commonplace nature of this event, they (being Gentlemen of some penetration) decried some Singular factors in the business. For one, the mobile nature of this disturbance. The odd behaviour of some members of the mob; viz, that they rallied to the cry “get the monsters!”, even though none such were evident. More singular still, one of the rioters, a strumpet, was seen to dive into an alley, and entice therefrom a worthy footpad of the town; who had, but moments before been lurking about his improper trade, as befitted any trueborn English criminal. But one kiss of the Maenad’s gin-sodden lips had him dancing along with the rest. Much effort was expended by the crazed mob in the destruction of any glass, windows and mirrors alike becoming objects of their wrath. And yet, within a very short time, this revelry petered out, as though a summer storm had passed. Seeking for some intelligence as to the cause of this baseless riot, Jack Church was able to divine that, before reaching its apogee in the destruction of a glaziers shop, the disturbance had its origin by the gin shop of one Capt. Speke.
Of this remarkable emporium, I shall have more to impart in due course. Suffice to report, that, upon meeting at Kent’s, we formed the opinion that the business had been the work of no common distillate. The antiquary ben Ezra identified one kind at least of monstrous agent with an affinity for mirrors, the Geburith of ancient fable. Having been but lately pursued by just such a creature, I thought it sufficient reason to take such warnings with no small gravity. Thus encouraged we paid a visit to the glazier whose shop had suffered at the hands of the mob. From this worthy, one Sydenham, we obtained the information that the broken mirrors (fine quality Venice glasses, tho sadly but poor trumpery work for the settings) had been obtained as a job lot from a vessel in the Pool, one “Black Pig”. Bespeaking a few samples, we left.
Here I must add, the remarkable facts that the honest builder Jack Church had obtained in regard of the gin shop of Captain Speke. This novel innovation of trade has no entrance, doors, nor any visible shop-man. In their stead, one pays custom by introducing coin into a slot, whereupon gin issues forth from a spout below. The expense is of the common sort for such trade – perhaps one shilling for a pint bottle. Their trade was brisk. Church struck up an acquaintance with two Tipstaffs, there to serve a summons (Sir John, naturally, being vigilant against this new outrage). They had, he heard, been unable to serve it, their diligence baffled by the extraordinary nature of the place. None had been observed to enter or leave. Boldly, that night, Church effected an entry to the premises, in search of incriminating evidence. He reports that the place is so shuttered as to be wholly dark within. The gin is stacked up, crammed into every space. Once in, he was accosted by a crone, who in some fashion, overwhelmed his will, and forced him to consume the raw Geneva. Being of stout heart, he was able to recover his senses and escape; tho he has informed me, that the noxious liquor engendered fantastickal visions akin to waking nightmares. Some light was to be shed on this the next day. Having been at study, ben Ezra confirmed that, while mirrors were innocent, the Gin sampled from Captain Speke’s carried a taint, for those who could sense it. It reeked mightily of the Geburim.
It is at this juncture that I must acknowledge a great debt to Old blind Tom. Hearing of our difficulty, (we being somewhat at a stand) this gentleman examined the bottle and gin from Speke’s. Wise in the ways of these things, he imparted to us the name of both bottle manufactory, and of distiller. The Gin was made, it seemed, at Danvers distillery in Southwark. Naturally, we repaired to Danvers forthwith. Through the agency of Jeremiah Elmhill, we heard tell that a new process had of late been introduced, one that had allowed the manufacturer to make do with fewer workers. However that may be we soon determined that all the products of Danvers work had the taint of Geburim.
It was clearly to be seen that, once more, confidential nocturnal investigations would be needed. On this occasion, Church took ben Ezra as his guide to unravel any mysteries of antiquity. It was well that he did so. In the distillery hall, but one of the five vats was alight. This last was raised on a most unusual brickwork wall. To their eyes the resemblance of this to the brickwork of Capt Speke’s shop was unmistakeable. More than this; stamped into the bricks was some strange writing. Even our Mosaic Sage could not decipher these. Indeed, it was only after great effort that he found an answer, by consulting his coreligionst, one Mendoza the Apothecary. From this learned son of Abraham we heard that the inscription – cuneiform, a writing used perhaps before the Flood – was an incantation. The purpose of the sorcery, in design, was to make good gin. In execution, thanks to a mistake in the script, rather a different result was obtained. Few living men, of any creed, would have known how to make the writing. We hold that the brick makers may be but dupes or tools in the affair; they being the Tom Yardsman company. ’Twas in the exact placing of the bricks, said Mendoza, that the Art consisted. So it is that our efforts must now turn to how we can identify that person.
As I finish this summary, I have from my fellow members one further receipt of news, touching the investors in the Danvers company. One Downsman, whose son Cartmel so heroically and tragically met his end at the hands of a beast in the affair of the Guys, was an investor. You will, Sir, doubtless remark the coincidence that those plotters against the realm, also had at their command one of the Geburim.
Of our continued efforts to root out this, latest, mischief from the hands of Bottled Ruin, you may be assured.
I remain, with the highest deference and respect,
Your Honour’s
Most obedient
And most obliged,
Humble servant,
Foppingham
Lately taking the Grand Tour …Lord Cornbury given leave to depart…
At Seven Dials occurred a Riot at the closing of a Gin Shop owned by Captain Speke. When the Mob became outrageous in their attempts to force the stoutly defended Building, Justice of the Peace Mr Maitland read the Riot Act but the Mob refused to disperse peaceably as required, the Guard of the Tower was called to enforce the Peace with Ball, Butt and Bayonet, after which all was quiet. The Shop was wrecked by Intruders and all the Genever Spirits lost.
Philip Wilkinson and Wm Sweet were executed in Kingston, for robbing the Church there, and declared they were Innocent.
The 4 following East India Ships arrived in the River, viz. The Princess Louisa, Mary, Prince Augustus, and Royal Guardian. There are 43 more Ships employed in this Company’s Services of near 600 Tons Burden each.
Received Sentence of Death, at the Old-Bailey ; Daniel Stockman, alias Macquin, for stealing a Sword from Wm Hawkins, Esq; Elizabeth Grinley, for robbing Roger Brown of a Guinea and 3 half Guineas near Old Bethlem ; Thomas Symonds, for robbing John Steygold of a Watch ; Esther Barrat, for stealing out of a Shop of Benjamin Godfrey a Case of Gold Rings ; Elizabeth Tee, for the Murder of her Bastard Child.
At Southwark the Danvers’ Distillery was much damaged in an Explosion and many kill’d. Mr Wm. Danvers gave the blame to Rivals and Phanatiques opposed to the legitimate Trade in Spirits. A Reward of 100Gn is offered to bring the Grenade Murder Gang to Justice. Others spoke of a riotous Celebration with the Fireworks outside the Still-yard at the time ; or Stills left to burn untended overnight. Mr Danver’s holds that his Still-Hall needs far fewer Hands to tend it due to modern and improved Design.
The Brothers Kingsman, Thomas and Arthur unaccountably put aside Years of Emnity from Rivalry in the Matter of the Supply of Gin, to a mutual Venture imprisoning Mr Perkin Sydney Landlord of the Cock and Bull and his family in their Tavern at Phoenix Street and Farthing Street, north Spitalfields. Their Action believ’d to be a Campaign to terrorize dissenting Beer-sellers. Some Customers being outraged that the Tavern was not open’d after Sunday broke in and performed a Rescue when the Situation was discover’d; during which Thomas Kingsman was mortally wounded. Arthur Kingsman was seized and hauled before the Justices.
Sir Charles Wager, is to command the Squadron which is to Convoy his Majesty to Holland in his Way to Germany, where he is to go about the 20th of next Month, and, as reported, to make Campaign there. Her Majesty is to be Regent in the mean time.
Mr Wyatt, a noted Quaker at Ware, Hertfordshire, — to Miss Proctor, who the Day before stood Godmother to him at his Baptism.
A Continuation of the 55th Transaction of the Society for Effectual Redress, by Mr Solomon ben Ezra.
The Devils of Islington
Milord Foppingham being otherwise engaged at his Tailors, it falls to my humble Abilities to continue his Report to the Society of the Affair on which he reported in the 55th Transaction of our Society, relating to a Matter of tainted Genever and arcane Bricks.
Reviewing the Situation, we determined that our best and most auspicious Course of Action would be to track down the Source of the offending Bricks. If one is an Aficionado, a Brick, it seems, is like a Watch or a Piece of fine Jewellery. The style of Manufacture, the Materials and the outward Shape, combine to give it a Provenance that may be distinguished by such skilled Observers. Like a Hunter following Fewmets Master Church led us unerringly to the Source of the Brickwork we observed in the Danvers’ Gin Distillery.
So it was that we were brought to a Brickyard and Manufactory outside London in Islington, owned by one Mr Leary, a fellow of Hibernian persuasion. He was somewhat surprised by the arrival of Lord Foppingham’s coach, more so when its denizen immediately expressed a desire to purchase his entire stock of bricks. However, sensible of the honour being done him, and the considerable number of guineas involved, he was most contented to come to a swift agreement.
As this transaction was taking place, some of us noticed a small brown man in eccentric garb, addressing a portion of the brickyard’s workforce. On enquiring with Mr Leary we were told that this was Mr Kishy. The explanation of his relationship with the brickyard was oddly vague, but we were given to understand that he was in some way responsible for the design and specification of certain special bricks. This seemed most pertinent to our investigation so we hailed the gentleman, desiring to speak with him, but he fled. The workmen to whom he had been speaking, however, immediately transformed themselves into a hostile mob and threw themselves upon us with great violence, armed with various implements, the use of which, no doubt Mr Church might elucidate upon but whose common factor was that they were apt to bruise flesh and break bone when swung with violent intent – which indeed they were.
Happily we were able to give good account of ourselves and after a short scuffle our assailants fled, the main casualty of the affair being Mr Leary himself. He suffered a bloody head, but seemed almost equally distraught at the sudden assault from his own workers, men he knew well and, he had always believed, held him in high esteem. Lord Foppingham displayed his customary generosity and condescension by procuring Mr Leary a doctor to attend to his injuries, while the paperwork was drawn up to support the transaction we had agreed.
Lord Foppingham and his companions then repaired to the brickyard to examine his new investment. There we found a brickstore and a huge double-ended brick kiln. Turning our attentions to the former we discovered, not only a large number of bricks of the kind we were seeking, but a false floor with a number of similar bricks laid out in a pattern. Securing the aid of some casual labour and a horse and cart we started to remove such bricks as we found most interesting, including the floor, of which I also made a drawing.
So engrossed we were in our labours that we failed to notice the activity not a hundred yards away at the kiln, which was alight and burning fiercely with a group of labourers piling fuel into one end of it. Fearing some mischief or deviltry we rushed over and dispersed the workers. However, I sensed that there was more afoot and realised that Mr Kishy was at the other end of the kiln, engaged in conjuring forth some clearly malefic power from the raging furnace within. We ran around to discover to our dismay, no less than three creatures from the time before time, three Geburith stepping forth from the fire.
Acting swiftly and fearlessly, Lord Foppingham rushed towards Mr Kishy and ran him through with his smallsword. By striking him down in the midst of his vile ritual, Milord Foppingham clearly disrupted the desired effect and though for a while all was chaos, the Geburim were dispelled and we believe destroyed utterly. Our party must have all been laid out in a swoon for when we came to our senses, the fire had died down and we were alone in a deserted brickyard. There was no sign of the Geburim, but equally the body of Mr Kishy was nowhere in sight, making us suddenly doubt that the blow struck by Milord had indeed been fatal to the villain.
We also realised that our labourers had disappeared – fled as it turned out – along with the dray horse we had intended to use to pull the cart carrying the bricks. Indeed on further investigation it appeared that the entire population of Islington had fled in terror at the conflagration and fearing the end was nigh and, discovering the comfort of religion, had locked themselves in the church. Lord Foppingham’s coach had also disappeared.
Being a man of action, Milord determined to borrow a horse from a nearby deserted inn and being a man of taste and discernment selected the best beast available. Though somewhat unaccustomed to being used as a draught horse, this thoroughbred steed proved willing and able enough for the task.
On the way back we took a short detour, for we had discovered from our earlier investigations that Captain Speke had recently bought a house in Islington. As we drove up it was clear that the house was unoccupied. Further investigation by Master Church revealed that its occupants had unaccountably left the door open and we were able to enter easily enough. It was clear that the house was largely unoccupied and had been for some time. However, it appeared that there was a small area of occupation, mostly around the fireplace in one of bedrooms. Detritus of bones and other evidence of rather primitive culinary and gustatory activities along with some distinctive scratchings on the brickwork convinced us that this had been used as a base by Mr Kishy. This led us to much speculation about the nature and origins of that strange person. No further intelligence was forthcoming from this place so we left forthwith and made our way back to London, arriving with the dawn.
On our return, Lord Foppingham made haste to return the horse and make it known to the owner what a singular honour it had been for him to lend it to Milord – its very proximity to the great man having doubtless increased its value manifold.
I myself returned to the unwelcome news that there was a warrant circulating for my arrest on some trumped-up charge to do with Danvers Distillery. Clearly this was a very desperate shot in the dark since the main witness appeared to be alleging that he had seen me climbing over roofs to enter the Still House. I’m sure the mental picture of a rather sedate and respectable Jew of middle years, a man of scholarly bent and sedentary habit, leaping fearlessly across the rooftops of Southwark will afford the gentlemen of the Society a deal of amusement. Nevertheless it is not a comfortable thing to know that one might be apprehended at any moment on the word of some knave or drunkard and dragged off to the Fleet until such time as the truth might out. So I thought it best to make myself scarce for a while and use the time profitably by study the bricks we had seized. However, it was clear to all of us that this affair was not yet drawn to its proper conclusion, nor effectual redress completely obtained.
Presented by Mr Solomon ben Ezra, continuing from his account in the 57th item.
A Blow against the Gin Trade
On our return to London we began to consider our next move in our attempt to secure redress in the matter of the tainted gin being purveyed by Danvers Distillery to the poor and the desperate of our great city. Three possible targets presented themselves: Captain Speke, his gin shop and the Danvers distillery itself. We resolved to deal with each in turn.
Captain Speke
By combining all the contacts and resources at our disposal we finally contrived to discover the whereabouts of Captain Speke. In the end, we caught up with him in the vicinity of his eponymous gin shop. He, together with a small gang of sailors, was a regular visitor to a house nearby the famously inaccessible shop. By monitoring his activities over a period we came to the view that there was almost certainly some form of connecting passage between the two properties. This hypothesis provided a solution to the primary mystery of the gin shop – that of its supply – and it was clear that the other address, which had an eating house within its precincts, received regular deliveries some of which might easily involve gin.
We resolved next to apprehend Captain Speke, which undertaking was completed with the assistance of a number of burly friends of Master Church. Though the Captain gave a good account of himself they were able at last to overpower him and bring him to a set of rooms that we had prepared for a detailed conversation about his activities.
Captain Speke confirmed much of what we had already surmised but added a great deal of detail that we could not have guessed. Mr Kishy it transpired had been aboard a ship that Captain Speke had encountered while sailing the High Seas. Kishy it seems was a philosopher of great power and it appeared that though Speke’s crew of ruffians had captured Kishy’s ship, they had all ended much in Kishy’s thrall. Kishy returned with Speke and his ship to London and en route had vouchsafed some of his knowledge to Speke. Truly the wise say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing for according to Speke, the arcane inscription that both enhanced and corrupted the Danvers gin was his own composition. Yet it was clear that Mr Kishy remained in the background and still had considerable hold over Speke who evidently feared him greatly. We encouraged Speke in his belief that our aim was to take over his business and in return for his cooperation we promised to let him go and furnish him with some money to get his ship underway.
The Gin Shop
Our plan to enter the gin shop was based upon the impersonation of Speke and his ruffians. I myself took on the main role and wore the Captain’s own greatcoat. Church and Munro by adjusting their garb to give it a marine flavour, transformed themselves into the very picture of villainous seafarers. Lord Foppingham on the other hand was clearly less familiar with villainous seafarers than his companions. The outfit conjured for him by his tailor bespoke a very laudable unfamiliarity on the part of both gentlemen with the docks or any other place frequented by the common matelot. Otherwise they would have known that blue silk pantaloons and white lace frills are very seldom to be seen upon seadogs except perhaps in the Theatre. The effect, while undeniably stylish, was somewhat removed from our purpose. It was with the utmost difficulty we managed to persuade Milord to don a voluminous cape to cover his costume.
Equipped with various passwords and protocols by Speke, we entered the eating house that we had previously observed, and dealing with all we met with a judicious mix of subterfuge, persuasion, bribery and violence, we made our way inside Speke’s Easy Gin Shop. Once inside it was clear to philosophically trained that not only was there a large quantity of tainted gin, but that it carried within it another spirit of a more ethereal but no less potent nature. That which we had characterised as Old Mother Gin in our discussions was present and possessed of an almost tangible power in that place. It was clearly this that periodically escaped to cause riots and disorder in the neighbourhood – such as the event that had originally called the place to Lord Foppingham’s attention. It was evident that merely breaking the casks and smashing the bottles would not suffice to deal with that which we were confronted – although that would certainly have to occur. I settled myself down to perform an exorcism after the fashion of my people, while my companions set about the physical destruction.
Now as anyone who understands the philosophical world will know, powerful rituals such as exorcism take time and in the interim it is to be expected that that its subject will find means to resist. So it was here that the malefic spirit sought to break free of the bounds I sought to impose upon it, and in its death throes it put out its evil tendrils to call its dissolute, depraved, gin-swilling acolytes to run riot in the street outside and to try to break in and disrupt my work. As I chanted, my gallant companions, in between breaking casks, valiantly defended the shop – a task made easier by its inaccessible design (thus was evil hoist by its own petard). Then we heard the sound of the mob engaging with the militia who had clearly been sent for to restore order.
At length the ritual was complete and after a brief tussle of wills, Old Mother Gin, unable to withstand the celestial light of the Sephiroth, was dissipated. Unfortunately, even the most mundane gin carries its dangers and at this point we realized that all four of us were somewhat intoxicated by the fumes. Having been on the upper floors myself and less involved in the physical disposal of the spirit, I was in a better state than my companions. The extent to which they had suffered the effects of strong drink only became apparent once I had left the vicinity of the shop and realised that my friends were no longer with me.
Fearing for their safety I returned post-haste to the scene. There I found the militia clearing up – disposing of bodies and herding or throwing the wounded and the drunk into the carts. Searching round for my confreres my attention was caught by a flash of blue silk as the unconscious Foppingham was unceremoniously being consigned to a cart by a couple of burly militia men. By shadowing the cart I was able to discover the lock up to which our inebriated peer had been consigned. Realising the indignities to which a handsome young man dressed in a blue silk sailor suit might be subjected in such a place, I began the process of negotiating his release with the surly guardians of that place, putting up with much leering and winking as they speculated the uses to which this Son of Abraham might be planning to put his blue pantalooned purchase.
However, I was eventually able to secure Milord’s release and we were reunited with Munro and Church at Kents where we enjoyed a reviving brew and planned our next action.
Danvers’ Distillery
A few days later we executed the assault upon our third objective. Under cover of a diversion arranged by fellow members of our society, we entered the distillery and made our way to the hidden gin still that Church and I had discovered on our previous reconnaissance. In speed and stealth we arranged a necklace of grenadoes around the low wall on which the offending inscription was arranged. With a few blows of sledge-hammer we ensured that were the devices to fail, the sorcery would nevertheless be disrupted. Then we departed in haste.
The following morning the town was abuzz with the news of the attack on the Danvers distillery. Though much satisfaction was to be gained from the realisation that our attack had been a resounding success, we felt some considerable concern at the claim laid by Danvers of large numbers of casualties for we had believed that our operation had taken place without hurt to any. Indeed we had good cause to doubt the Danvers account of the affair and as the Members shall hear in the next report to the Society, we were aright in our suspicions. For this affair was not yet quite over.
A Chandler’s shop being rob’d, a neighbour
To make him easy thus did labour,
I’m confident for all this fright
Your candles Sir, must come to light.
His Majesty reprieved for 14 Years Transportation the Malefactors condemned the last Sessions at the Old-Bailey.
His Majesty set out from St James’s for Gravesend to embark for Holland.
A Cause was try’d in the Court of King’s Bench, at Guildhall, between Mr Edward Nourse, Surgeon, and Plaintiff, and Dr Schonberg, Physician, Defendant, for assaulting and beating the former in Child’s Coffee house ; and a Verdict was found for the Plaintiff.
The Sessions ended at the Old Bailey, when seven persons received Sentence of Death, viz. Charles Peele, for stealing a Bill of Exchange of 170 l. out of the House of the Hon. Edw. Carteret, Esq.; John Sutton for robbing Wm Powers of a Silver Watch, Thomas Lattimer, a Quaker, for Horse-stealing ; William Hughes, a Soldier, for the Murder of his Mother ; Samuel Gregory, for robbing Farmer Lawrence, and ravishing his Maid, Arthur Kingsman for kidnapping of Perkin Sydney, innkeeper of the Cock & Bull and Elton Lewis for murdering his Aunt. Hughes, Kingsman and Lewis pleaded guilty, the first indeed could not deny the horrid crime, because he shot his Mother as she lay in Bed with a Woman Lodger who was Witness to the Fact ; Kingsman was captured at the scene when a Rescue of the Victim, his Wife and Child was mounted by Mr Bamber Byron ; but Elton’s being a secret Murder, when he was taken up and examined before Justice Robe, he continued 5 or 6 Hours obstinate in denying it ; but was a length prevail’d on by the pathetick Admonitions of the Justice, to make full and free Confession of the whole Affair, and to sign the same.
The Haunted Tabernacle – “I see the way” – the City – Meat! – the Architect – of the properties of Stone – seen off the premises.
George Wood, a bailiff of Fulham, stood in the Pillory at Fetter-lane End, pursuant to his Sentence last Session at the Old-Bailey, for Perjury, in falsely charging some Justices and other principal inhabitants of Fulham, with rescuing a prisoner out of his Custody , to make them liable to the Payment of a Debt of 69l.11s.
The Malefactors condemned last Session were hang’d at Tyburn. Gregory feigned a Laugh even at the last Moment. Peele and Latimer were reprieved for Transportation.
A Fire broke out at Mrs Calloway’s a Brandy-shop in Cecil Court in St Martin’s-Lane, which in a few Hours consumed that and 13 more Houses. The Woman was committed to Newgate, it appearing, among other Circumstances, that she had threatened to be even with the Landlord for having given her Warning, and that she would have a Bonfire on the 10th of June that should warm all her rascally Neighbours.
Came on a remarkable Trial in the Court of the King’s Bench at Guildhall, before the Lord Chief Justice Hardwicke, wherein John Edwards was Plaintiff, and John Veazey, a Constable, Defendant. The Plaintiff had brought his Action against the Defendant for taking out of his House a Silver Tankard, which Fact the Defendant admitted, and justified himself under a Warrant from the Commissioners of Lieutenancy of the City of London, for the levying a Fine of Ten Pounds upon the Plaintiff, for his Neglect of Duty as one of the Collectors of the Trophy-Tax, which being proved to the Satisfaction of the Court, the Plaintiff was nonsuited.
Universal Spectator, June 21 Nº 350.
Of the occult Philosphy
Mr Stonecastle, in several of his preceding papers, has treated on occult Philosophy. If, says he, I was to say there are People so infatuated, as to spend their whole Lives in obtaining an intimacy with the imaginary Beings hereafter mentioned, I shou’d be laugh’d at ; but I affirm, that in Germany I have convers’d with more than one or two, who have abandoned the World, to study the occult Philosophy, and which they have talk’d of in the highest Raptures.
Purity of life, an exact Conformity to all the Precepts of Religion, a Detachment from the World, and an absolute Command over our Passions are requisite in him who would enter upon this Study with Hopes of having his Labour rewarded. Thus qualified, he is entitled to the inestimable Blessing of conversing with the now invisible Inhabitants of the Elements ; the Air, Water, Fire and Earth are fill’d with Creatures of exquisite Perfection, of human Form, fond of Knowledge, and therefore friendly to Philosophers. The Beauty of their Wives and Daughters is majestick, yet surprizingly agreeable. They are called Gnomes, Sylphys, Nymphys, and Salamanders. They are compos’d of the purest and most subtil Particles of the elements which they inhabit ; their Lives are a Duration of several Ages ; But what are a thousand Years to Eternity ? ; They are mortal ; when they die they are entirely annihilated, and the Despair of enjoying the Presence of that great Being of Beings, of whom thay have just and strong Ideas, renders them inconsolable.
To remedy this Evil, God permitted them to contract Alliances with Man, and thereby participate of Immortality. Thus a Nymph, &c. becomes capable of that future Bliss, by being married to a Philosopher, and their Males are no longer mortal if their obtain our Daughters in Marriage.
History affords Numbers of Examples of this Kind. Livy tells us Romulous was the Son of Mars ; but our Divines say he was begotten by an Incubus ; But we know he was the Son of a Salamander, who translated him in a fiery Chariot, after he had laid the Foundation of Rome. Livy says, Servius Tullius was the son of the God of Fire, whereas he also was the Offspring of a Salamander. Hercules and Alexander were the Issue of one of the most celebrated Sylphs ; as were Plato, Apollonius Thianeus, Sarpedon, Æneas, Achilles, and Melchisedech ; this last was conceiv’d by a Sylph, and the Manner of sacrificing taught to Numa by Ægeria, was the same observ’d by that High Priest. —The Ignorance of the Generality of Men make ’em attribute to Demons, what ought to be attributed to these Elementary Beings. — But Is it possible that the Devil can conceive, begset, bring forth, and give suck ? ; Or were there such a Possibility, would not his Issue be the most maleficient Creatures that could exist ? ; But these Amours with the Elementary People produce Men illustrious for their Virtues. Theologicians attribute every Thing above their Caption, to the infernal Spirit ; Therefore the greatest Men have been vilified as Demoniacs, Sorcerers, and the Offspring of some Incubus. Thus has the great Merlin been treated ; he was the son of a Nun, the Daughter of a King of England, and begot by a Sylph, who brought him up, and made him thorough Master of all Arts and Sciences.
But these Gentlemen don’t reflect how many noble and virtuous Families they injure by deriving their Original from Familiars. The Earls of Cleve are descended from the Heiress of that illustrious House and a Sylph, who being enamour’d with the Countess, appear’d in a miraculous Vessel, drawn by a Swan of dazling Whiteness, which drew it in Traces of Silver ; He convers’d with this Lady several Years, and after having several Children by her, he, in the the Sight of the whole People, at Noonday, mounted his Aerial Chariot and departed.
A Nobleman of the first Rank amongs us us descended from a Sylph ; and one of that Family, not long since dead, boasted his Descent in a private Company, in the following Terms. The Earl of — one Evening, sate himself on a Stile adjoyning to the Road; as he sate he saw several Persons riding by, who seem’d to be Farmers and their Wives coming from some Wake or Fair ; they were scare out of Sight, when a most beautiful young Creature follow’d, mounted on a poor and tir’d Horse, which being opposite the Earl, stumbled and threw her down ; my Lord immediately ran to her assitance, and being surpriz’d and enamoured of her Beauty, persuaded her to repose herself at his House ; which she consented to on condition, that he attempted nothing against her Modesty ; and he asked her no Questions in relation to the People he saw pass him before she appeared.
The Earl religiously kept his promise and obtained her for a Wife. Never was Woman, more lovely, more prudent, or more observant ; never Man more affectionate, more indulging, or more complaisant ; Tho’ he first saw her in the Habit of a Country Maid, yet her rich Dress, which, as his Lady, she ware, sate so easy upon her ; she shew’d that equal Behaviour observable in People well born, that every one judg’d her of illustrious Birth, tho’ she never spoke of her Descent ; her Knowledge was extensive, and, whatever Topick was upon the Carpet, she seem’d perfect Mistress of it. At the End of 10 Months she was deliver’d of a Daughter, then disappear’d, and left the Earl inconsolable ; this Daughter was married to my Ancestor, and our Family is lineally descended from her.
A Serjeant-at-Mace of the Poultry Compter was committed to Prison by the Court of King’s-Bench for a Misdemeanor in taking 400l. worth of Goods in Execution, to satisfy 127l. for procuring unskillful and unsworn Appraisers to value the Goods at 86l. 18s. 6d for selling the Goods to the same Appraisers; and for not paying the Money into the Sheriffs Hands, nor making any return on the Sheriffs Warrant.
Sir John Barnard and Mr Ald. Godschall, were chosen Sheriffs of London and Middlesex for the year ensuing. Mr Arthur Dabbs, Mr Rawsterne, Mr Shipton, Mr Nicholas, Mr Perkins, and Mr Morse, Partner with Mr Alderman Child, having been nominated by the present Lord Mayor, paid the customary Fines to be excused from the said Office.
The Court of Alderman resolved, that Bartholomew Fair, in Smithfield shall for the future be held only three Days, viz. the 23, 24, and 25th of August ; and that the only Stalls and Booths be erected for the Sale of Goods, &c. usually sold in Fairs, and no Acting to be permitted.
Her Majesty has ordered Mr Risbrack to make Busto’s in Marble of all the Kings of England from William the Conquerer, in order to be placed in her New Building in the Gardens at Richmond.
The Bishops of Bristol and Gloucester, the E. of Scarborough, the Master of the Rolls, and others, having represented to the Queen the pernicious Consequences of the vending and drinking such vast quantities of Geneva, to the great Detriment of the Health and Industry of labouring People, particularly the Soldiery ; A resolution has been taken to suppress most of them in the County of Middlesex.
A remarkable number of small Thunderstorms afflicted London in the aftermath of the Audience ; Bolts striking from the clear Sky due, it is announced by the Royal Society, to the combination of an unusually high Flux of the Electrical Fluid and the unseasonably hot Air of the late Afternooon causing spontaneous Discharges. Property was struck was across London from St James Palace in the west to the Shadwell Market in the east ; Lord Winterbourne had the misfortune to lose his Postillion.
A subterraneous Building is by her Majesty’s Order carrying on in the Royal Gardens at Richmond, which is to be called Merlin’s Cave, adorned with Astronomical Figures and Characters.
Presented by Mr Solomon ben Ezra, continuing from his previous account.
The Lurking Evil of the Still
As intimated at the end of the 58th Transaction our company was most perturbed at the allegation that there had been several casualties sustained at the Danvers Distillery as a result of our otherwise quite triumphant operation to destroy the still inscribed with Decanic characters that produced the tainted gin that had been the cause of so much strife (see Transactions 55, 57 and 58 passim). On hearing from a fellow member of the Society that there were significant discrepancies in the Danvers account and in particular that the wounds on the bodies were most unlike those to be expected after close acquaintance with a grenade, we determined to learn more.
As it transpired the Danvers Distillery was at that time making strenuous efforts to engage new workers. Identifying an opportunity we contrived to insinuate one of our own, Mr Elmhill, into their employ. By dint of posing as an honest workman (no small achievement for Mr Elmhill) he was able to observe what passed at the Distillery. He noted that the entrance to the secret still had been sealed up and plastered over.
Meanwhile Munro made a friend and drinking companion of the undertaker used by the Danvers to dispose the bodies of those they claimed were slain in the grenade attack. It seems that this gentleman was most troubled by the state of these bodies, which he claimed had had the flesh eaten from them.
After some weeks of suffering the indignities of honest toil Mr Elmhill noticed a pattern of disappearing workers. In particular it was the younger, less skilled workers who would mysteriously fail to appear on their shifts and never be seen again. One evening Elmhill happened to be on the nightshift when he witnessed the arrival of William Danvers at the distillery, distraught and somewhat the worse for drink and carrying moreover, a blunderbuss. He seemed to be intent on entering the blocked up still, swearing to “Put end to it”, like a man possessed or certainly most troubled in mind and soul. He was eventually overpowered by his own workers and led away weeping.
At this news we resolved straightway to confront Danvers and offer our help to rid him of whatever horror was troubling him so, in return for a confession and our discretion. We contrived to encounter him in Buttons coffee house a few days thereafter. Though he at first attempted to dissemble, it was clear that his conscience troubled him and he proposed that we meet him that very night at the Distillery. With this he left in a most peremptory manner giving no opportunity to quiz him further.
Unfortunately the timetable he had set left us very little time to prepare for the event. However, armed with pistols and hand weapons various we made haste to Southwark. There Lord Foppingham and myself awaited Danvers’ arrival while Munro lurked in the shadows lest it prove to be a trap. Elmhill, we hoped was already inside the distillery, on the nightshift.
In due course a coach drew up and Mr William Danvers stepped out and dismissed his coachman. He was carrying his blunderbuss in a bag. Curtly he bid us follow him. With some considerable effort he contrived to awe the doorman, who evidently had orders to the contrary, into admitting us. Then as we marched through his still hall, Mr Danvers enlightened us further as to what was afoot.
It seems that after our grenade attack a party of workers had entered the room to discover what had occurred. Just one man, the overseer, had returned, the others having been horribly slain by some terrible unnatural creature that had taken up residence there. The man was clearly terrified by what they encountered there and bore a message from the beast. Only if they were to keep it regularly sustained by the provision of fresh meat, would it desist from breaking free and terrorising the city.
Whatever this new terror might be, I speculated, it must be connected with the corrupt Decanic inscription. According to Danvers, Speke had persuaded them that his arcane technique for improving the gin would reduce the expense of its manufacture. Danvers claimed to have been seduced by the possibility that they might be able to produce good quality gin at a price that might compete with the fouler and more injurious spirits that our poorest citizens consume to their utter ruin. For my part I mused that once more we could see how great evil could so easily be wrought through the careless use of philosophical methods to serve the greed of man – however that avarice might be self-justified.
The door to the secret still was plastered shut and it was the work of some minutes to work it free. While Danvers and I were so doing (Lord Foppingham having recently had a manicure was disinclined to risk his nails), Mr Elmhill joined us with the overseer, marching ahead of him, a pistol at his back. We attempted to question the overseer about what awaited us beyond the door, but the man was clearly touched in the mind and indeed, I suspected, suffering some form of possession.
We realised that we had gathered a small crowd of still workers and I suggested that Danvers, who was becoming increasingly agitated, restore order amongst them. I took charge of his blunderbuss myself. With a deep intake of breathe, and no little trepidation, we pulled open the door to be confronted with — horror!
Hebrew lore tells us of the Qlippoth – excrescences, detritus, leftovers from the creation of the world. What waited for us behind the door, I deemed to be one of these. It was a creature of mouths – uncountable, slavering, hungry, snapping apertures, tooth-lined and greedy for our flesh.
With never a thought for his own skin, or even his coat, such was his ardour for battle, Lord Foppingham leapt, sword first into the vile collection of gaping maws, striking true from the off. I sought opportunity to discharge my blunderbuss but was concerned that I might hit Milord.
So intent was I on finding my moment, I was completely oblivious to what was occurring behind me. The overseer suddenly revealed the extent of his thrall to the Qlippoth for, sprouting mouths all around his head, he sought to throw himself upon me from the back. However, sturdy Elmhill demonstrated that his pistol was no empty threat and he shot the unfortunate tool of evil dead in an instant.
Meanwhile Foppingham’s frenzied attack had led him to be so enveloped amongst the snapping maws to the extent that all I could see were a pair of elegant stockings and silver-buckled shoes waving in the air. Reasoning that were I to shoot low into the creature’s body I would be unlikely to wound my comrade I let fly with the blunderbuss. The combination of this and a succession of shrewd blows dealt by Lord Foppingham over-powered the beast so that it dissolved into a pool of vile-smelling and viscous liquid.
This liquid proved to possess the most vitriolic properties. For as Lord Foppingham regained his feet it was clear that his wig, his clothes, even the steel of his blade were dissolving in the stuff. We made haste to wash him down in a vat of Danvers gin – a better use, some might argue, than drinking it – during which operation it also became apparent that either foul remains of the creature or the gin was also a most effective depilatory. At the end of this operation, Lord Foppingham was rather more naked than a new-born babe.
It was only with great difficulty that we could persuade him to cover his nakedness with my cloak, which he pronounced unacceptably unfashionable. It was only by presenting him with alternatives from Elmhill’s wardrobe that we were able to persuade him that this was the least poor choice available to him. Even at that we were hard-pressed to dissuade him from walking forth in all his glory. The argument that were he to do so, then all the beaux of London must perforce follow his example, and that the city was not yet ready for such an extreme fashion – which would also render the tailors, milliners, perruquiers, et cetera in the city destitute – eventually held sway.
When Danvers returned from quieting his workers, we carried out some further exploration, discovering a room under the still, which the Qlippoth had occupied and where, from the quantity of cleaned bones there, it appeared it dragged its hapless victims to consume them. Leaving matters at the distillery in Elmhill’s capable hands we retired to some rooms in town with Mr Danvers, who was showing all the signs of imminent breakdown. After calming him somewhat we returned him to the bosom of his family with the sage advice that he should take himself to Bath to take the waters and rest.
So we must now hope that this chapter in the Society’s activities may be closed. Naturally we may rely on the discretion of members in this matter. In seeking his cooperation we did promise Mr Wm Danvers that we would ensure that this affair was not made public. Once more we see that those who seek to bend the supernatural to their will – even for what may seem to them virtuous reasons – find themselves instead drawn into web from which they cannot so easily escape. However, it is often the innocent – property owners whose shops and dwelling places were damaged by the mob, those of the gin-inflamed mob shot by the militia, those poor distillery workers slain by the Qlippoth – who pay highest the price for their greed. Once again the Members of this Society may congratulate themselves on having averted a major threat to the order and peace of this great city.
A complementary View of recent Events by Lord Foppingham.
The Thing in the Cellar
To : Mr Berry, Secretary
Sir,
I have remarked that the most recent Transactions of our Society already contain some most colourful accounts of the latest turn in our recent Business with the Gin Shop of Captain Speke. For all this, I take the liberty of addressing a small account of the dénouement to you here. Mayhap it will lend some further intelligence to those fellows that might need to inform themselves on these matters. I propose to take as point of departure, the destruction by some concerned members of the sorcerously enhanced still at the Danvers works in Southwark.
The reported casualties of this event occasioned those of us with a true knowledge no small degree of startlement. Confident as we were that no human had taken hurt from our actions, we resolved to follow up these claims. We were hampered by some unwarranted insinuations of a legal nature, directed against our fellow member Mr S-B-E. Naturally, these soon enough came to naught; no gentleman could give credence to these extraordinary claims, without he was disposed to being jocular. By means of some confidential work, carried out with customary zeal by Mr J-E, we were able to canvass the opinion of the Undertaker who had had the most gruesome task of attending the scene. We found this poor fellow to be unmanned. Hardened as he was by the horrors of his trade, yet the condition of the deceased had called up in him great distress. I can do no better than to give you his comment verbatim. “grenades” quoth he “don’t leave tooth marks”. He described the most horrifying injuries inflicted on the deceased. In the interests of taste and decency I shall spare members the detailed account of them; suffice that no grenade explosion had ever caused such. As we pondered the matter a further item of news came, viz; that the Danvers distillery was taking on more hands. Such an opportunity to observe in more detailed could not be gainsaid, and once more the discreet talents of Mr J-E were called upon. Drury Lane surely lost a great Star from its firmament when he turned to more mundane pursuits. With him as our agent, it became clear that the distillery now contained a building whose entrances were sealed, no window even remaining unblocked. More sinister yet, young lads, employed on a temporary basis, would disappear after two or three days. It did little for our peace of mind that the same Mortician whose talk had so alarmed us spoke afresh of new, young dead – their cadavers eaten, gnawed, sucked in the same loathsome fashion. By good fortune J-E was also witness to an altercation before the sealed entrance to the building. A man of some quality was prevented from breaking into the sealed place, carrying a blunderbuss and ranting of something that had gone on “far enough”. Some exertions on our part identified this fellow as being Mr William Danvers of that family.
At this juncture, we resolved to approach Mr W-D, and contrived to meet him at Button’s. The gentleman was at first reluctant to speak with us (it seems that our activities in opposition to the Gin trade have become somewhat of note). I was constrained to be direct. Once challenged over the mounting number of deaths, that his factory was neither a safe nor healthy one, he was persuaded. We appointed a rendezvous that evening at the distillery. S-B-E and myself duly made our way there and met William Danvers. Leaving the Rev M, masquerading as a Regiment of Artillery, conveniently to hand as our reinforcement, Danvers let us into the premises. As we prepared ourselves for What Lay Ahead, Danvers gave his account of what had taken place there. Messrs Kishy and Speke, (of whom Mr S-B-E has given you an account, I believe) had set up the new still. All seemed fair, but, somehow people had begun to disappear. There were tales; of strange things happening in the halls at night. Then, the still was blown up. People rushed in to see what was afoot, but none came out. Their foreman, one Jack Lacey, ran in last and saw, a monster, thing, apparition or some such. He had described it to Danvers as a “thing made of mouths”. It had spoken to him and demanded to be fed. Naturally, S-B-E was able to put a name to the beast. Regrettably, being no hand in the Sorcery line myself the exact scholarly term escapes me. The plain fact was, that they had walled up some kind of devouring demonic, let’s say, “thing” – perhaps “Ouzion” was the term. No sooner had Danvers apprised us of this, than Lacey himself arrived. S-B-E, being a man of considerable penetration in these matters, adjudged him possessed. Certainly, he babbled at length of “cleaning up the filth”. It was no small comfort that his arrival had been inspired more by a horse pistol the worthy J-E had pressed against his tripes than his own volition. An interesting discussion of the matters at hand then ensued when the remaining workforce came on the scene. A potentially rather trying scene was averted by Mr Danvers, who took charge and led the men away, allowing S-B-E and myself to open the sealed door. Upon passing over the threshold, I was able to note that, indeed, there was some sport to be had. Luckily S-B-E had been kind enough to prepare my small-sword beforehand. This would render it every bit as effective (I had it from Geo. Willcocks in Wine Office Court) against Denizens of the Pit as it generally do against footpads, social inferiors, and the like. Damnably good thing too, since the “game” here did indeed have a plaguey lot of mouths, and nasty teeth in them all. Luckily, despite being no great Ajax of the martial kind, I managed to be a man of some Penetration myself with the small-sword. S-B-E and I having slain it, the loathsome creature proceeded to ooze – yes, that word must be Oozion – a sort of burning ichor that fairly ruined my wig, coat, breeches, shoes, stockings, buckles, hat, cravat, small clothes and handkerchiefs. Oh, and Lacey, once the creature was dead, proved to be so himself. I do not recall the precise circumstances, being preoccupied at the time; some kind of blunderbuss accident perhaps.
There is little more to report. At the climax of the action, the good Mr Danvers, having made such a praiseworthy stand against the evil, fell to destroying the offending still with his bare hands. Becoming overwrought with the unaccustomed exertion, he sadly fell prey to a syncope. We were obliged to remove him temporarily from the scene to recover. I understand that he is now to travel to Bath to let the healing waters recover him of his exertions. A remarkable quantity of bones were removed from the lair of the creature. I believe that the other Danvers family members, Mary and young James, will now be well cured of the desire to dabble in things left well alone. Thus, while the normal machinations of the Juniper Jezebel may continue to plague us, it seems that the damnable innovations of Speke and his crew are now at an end.
I remain, with the highest deference and respect,
Your Honour’s
Most obedient
And most obliged,
Humble servant,
Foppingham
Tea with the Bishop – Mohacs – Assassin – the Petition on Gin – a Rumble of Thunder – a Captive.
A proclamation was published for putting in Execution the Laws against Murder, Robbery in the Streets, &c. in London and Westminster, or within 5 Miles of the same, with 100 l. Reward for apprehending the Offenders, besides the 40 l. granted by Act of Parliament ; and likewise a Pardon to the Informer.
At the Assizes at Abingdon, a Clergyman was tried for killing a Fallow Deer on the 9th of April last in Windsor Great Forest, which was found in his Cellar. He confess’d the whole Matter, but alledging that his Dog kill’d it gainst his Will, the Jury acquitted him.
William Jones, a Farmer at Milton, near Woodbourn, Bedfordshire, being last Easter Day bit in the Nose by a mad Dog, immediately took some of Dr Mead’s Powder, bath’d in the Salt Water, and drank large Quantities of it, and continued pretty well about 6 Weeks, tho’ always a little indisposed at the Full of the Moon. After that Time the usual Symptoms came thick upon him, til it brought him into the most deplorable Condition. He retained the use of his Intellects, except by Intervals, to the last, and was so sensible of his approaching End, that he desir’d, but a few Hours before he dy’d, he might be chain’d down to prevent his bighting or hurting any Body. At length, complaining of an excessive Coldness of Body, and his Speech faultering, laid down and expir’d, seemingly, not with much Pain. He was not only bit in the Nose, but the Foam of the Dog went into his Mouth ; which being so near the Principal Parts might possibly prevent being cured by Dr Mead’s Remedy, so successful in Cases of this dreadful Malady.
Cassandra, Duchess of Chandos, of an Apoplexy. She was the Duke’s 2d Wife and first Cousin, and descended from the antient Family of Willoughby, of Woolerton in Nottinghamshire, Sister of the late Lord Middleton, and ( by the Mother’s Side ) to the present E. Tilney. Her Lord attended her to the last Moment of her Life, when he lost in her a Lady of the most exemplary and exalted Virtues as render’d her an Honour to her Sex, and an Ornament to the British Nation.
The E. of Middlesex, appointed one of the Gentlemen of the Bedchamber to the Pr. of Wales, in the room of
The E. of Cholmondeley : : one of the Lords of the Treasury.
From Sicily, That Mount Vesuvius had lately cast forth a great Quantity of liquid Fire
An Account from the Pen of Lord Foppingham
The Pamphleteer
To : Mr Berry, Secretary
Sir,
In the aftermath of our last encounter, which sadly did such grievous injury to my wardrobe, I had been greatly busied of late. Stepping into Kent’s to recruit my strength [following a fatiguing series of encounters with my tailor, wigmaker, boot maker and such] I happened across those fellow members, B-B, S-d, W de V, and J-F, with whom I fell into conversation regarding the remarkable late weather. Those unlooked for unseasonable lightings [that had so cruelly robbed our esteemed president of his postillion], they informed me, were far from being innocent works of Mother Nature. These honourable members were, I found, engaged in an ongoing act of Redress.
Several esteemed Bishops, the week before, had presented a petition. [wherein they called for newer and more active suppression of the Gin]. I was not entirely surprised to hear that this worthy act had only been possible in the teeth of hot and busy malevolence by the Trade; my companions had been instrumental in foiling a number of devices – some of a philosophical nature, others more pedestrian – thrown in the path of the good churchmen. Among the less subtle efforts, [tho we may well aver, that havg one’s enemies struck by lightning, nay, even by fire bursting forth from the ground or some such, aint hardly no pillar of subtlety either] were the sending of a mob, of Mohac bullies. These had launched a vicious attack on Property, of that worthy Magistrate Sir Mortimer Pouncetrifle. They had assailed that gentleman’s house, where the bishops were enjoying his hospitality prior to their Petitioning. My coffee companions (largely through the stout efforts of another fellow member, whose name escapes me, though I have a notion he was some kind of Scotchman) had not only beaten off this savage assault but made captive one of their number.
Being then at leisure, I proceeded to join them as they visited the Roundhouse in company with Sir Mortimer. There indeed, following his capture (at a low Dive called the Dog & Ferret) remained the miscreant. Quailing as he did before the terrible righteous wrath of the Justice, he admitted to the name of Michael Wilkins. Thereafter, however, the captive proved obdurate ; even when a justly outraged Sir Mortimer spoke of pressing him for an answer. The bold rogue was evidently buoyed up by some hopes of rescue by his companions, whom he spoke of as “brothers” and even went so far as to make veiled threats. Sir Mortimer, his spleen aroused, departed to order all, for the criminal Wilkins to appear before him two days hence.
Now, having profited by the example of those careful Philosophers [with whom I have now and again prosecuted the Society business] I made shift to examine carefully the fellow. On perceiving the state of his hands I formed the opinion that he was in Trade, in the office of Printer. By a great stroke of fortune this called forth in Mr S-D, well acquainted with the printing Works around the Fleet Ditch, a memory of having seen Wilkins before. There, in a print shop, we found that Wilkins was none other than the son of the printer, a seemingly honest fellow. Now it seemed that Dame Fortune was with us, since it came to light that this shop had been charged with the printing of a tract, lately written by a Mr Caterham of Shadwell.
It railed in a fashion most unseemly against Bishops, and attributed their demise by lighting-strike to the wrath of the Almighty, in consequence of their opposition to the Geneva. A message most singular since it was evidently written prior to the events to which it alluded. Even more so, since these shocking new Episcopal vacancies had been averted due to the vigilance and industry of my fellow members! Leaving the elder Wilkins, for the time being, in ignorance of his son’s fate we adjourned, taking with us the original manuscript of Caterham’s inflammatory pamphlet ; this having been brought to the Shop by the younger Wilkins. The father mentioned a witticism, of his son’s at the time ; to the effect that he hoped “Caterham had not Laboured In Vain”. An unwise sally indeed, since that stirred in me the memory of having once attended a Prize fight in Shadwell; at none other than Labour In Vain Street.
Our care, once these new Intelligences had been got, was to ensure that Wilkins should not escape justice, perhaps by suborning his gaolers or, even, through the renewed violence of his Mohac friends. Mr W de V, being a military man, was able to arrange a new place of hospitality for that night ; viz: the Tower. We bespoke a coach, and had the prisoner manacled hand and foot ready for a discreet departure from the roundhouse to his new cell in the Tower. As we arrived, and Wilkins was brought forth by the two turnkeys, Peter Duke and William Sellars, a small gang of some half dozen ruffians set upon us, armed with both firelocks and cold steel. A desperate encounter followed ; not aided by the treacherous behaviour of the turnkey Sellars. Either bribed or merely a poltroon, this creature decamped leaving myself, Mr W-D, W de V, Mr B-B and the turnkey Duke to withstand a fierce and bloody little engagement. Some fine shooting by my companions, not to mention a remarkable display of Martial Agility by Mr W de V, turned the tide in our favour. We had both field and victory, and two captives. Their ringleader was one, and only slightly wounded, one Andrew Saxton. We swept him up with Wilkins and removed them to the Tower. Once there, much assisted by the great kindness and hospitality of Lieutenant Smiles of the Tower garrison, we questioned the wrongdoers afresh.
On questioning Wilkins, we found his afflatus sensibly diminished by the turn of events. Following a most educational and enlightening tour of his new surroundings, he evidently began to perceive the straits to which his foolish conduct had brought him. He alluded to another individual in the Mohac hierarchy, a philosopher, that he styled “The Master”. His claim was that even Caterham was but a Tool of this man. We left him to ponder his uncertain, not to say, short, future and turned to the captive Saxton. In face of the same instruments, that villain showed himself a very bold and hardened criminal. Considering him to be merely a tradesman of crime, and not himself deep in the plot, we deemed him a small fish of no great worth. We resolved, the time needed for a more rigorous approach being wanting, to simply bribe the fellow ; he was easily persuaded in return for a trumpery sum of gold to betray his former companions.
Our endeavour then turned to a Stratagem, by which we might lay our hands on Caterham, and hopefully more of his crew. Saxton was to take us to the rendezvous appointed, at which he was to have presented his principals with their package ; viz, the liberated Wilkins. In lieu of that wretch [still pondering his fate in a close cell], we substituted our own Mr W de V, lying in a lightly nailed coffin on a cart. Our plan, once he was delivered to Caterham, called for him to burst forth and effect an arrest of that gentleman. Equipping himself with some grave-goods to the extent of a brace of pistols, the resolute Mr de V laid himself out ; we, disguised, drove him on the cart towards the meeting place ; which, as we had surmised, was in Shadwell.
It would be most gratifying to me to have better news to report, on the conclusion to this affair. Regrettably, however, the dice were not in our favour at this particular game of hazard. Upon our arrival at the rendezvous, in the churchyard of St John’s Shadwell, we were met only by a trio of low brutish fellows, in place of our hoped for target. A number of strokes of ill fortune (of which I will detail only one ; the dropping by accident of the coffin, leading to the explosion of Mr de V’s armaments. We continue to hope that his hearing will one day return) led to the failure of our stratagem. The uncouth servitors being alerted to our designs, a melee ensued. We did at least contrive to defend ourselves, one of our attackers perishing in the course of the affair, his companions fled and were able to evade capture.
Our scheme to surprise and entrap the chief wrongdoers having failed, we turned back to Wilkins, and with little further persuasion he provided us with extensive details of his wicked deeds and bad companions. He has been, in return for his co-operation, spared the Gallows but banished from Town to the colonies. We find that his crimes are more occasioned by youth and folly than by a settled capacity for evil. We did naturally inform Sir Mortimer of all, and it remains to be discussed in what manner we can now proceed effectively against both Caterham (whose guilt, and complicity in a wicked and criminal case of housebreaking and assault is clear), and his shadow “Master”. The extent of our knowledge of them, so far as we can tell, is yet secret. Naturally, I rely on your discretion and that of our members so that this advantage is not to be lost. It can only be recommended that some subtle means be employed, by which we can run their whole conspiracy to earth ; and indeed, to determine whether there is some purpose, other than the sale of Geneva, for the cunning manipulation to their purposes of Mohac gangs that up till now have been mere riotous, but purposeless, nuisances.
Naturally, should I succeed in bringing this Redress to a more satisfactory termination, I shall be pleased to render you the account thereof. No doubt one of our other members referred to here can also provide for a more thorough and informed account of the start of this redress.
Your Honour’s
Most obedient
And most obliged,
Humble servant,
Foppingham
Mr Byron reports that he, Mr Darkin and Mr Arrows are continuing to investigate the Identity of the Pamphleteer and his Conspiracy.
At the Assizes at Kingston, Henry Sellon, for robbing Mr Collins on the Highway ; Thomas Gray, alias Macray, for robbing Mr Hammerton ; and Joseph Emmerson and John James alias Black Jack, for entering the House of Jasper Hale, Esq. of Peckham, and wounding him and his Servant Maid, receiv’d Sentance of Death ; the two last to be hang’d in Chains. —Macray who had escap’d at the Old Bailey, by means of some that Swore for him, had 14 well-dress’d Persons to appear for him here, most of whom swore he was sick in Bed the whole Week in which the Fact was committed ; but finding they were suspected, all slipped out of Court ; [Several of them are since apprehended by the Direction of Baron Thomson, in order to be prosecuted for perjury.]
At Gloucester Assizes receiv’d Sentence of Death, Edmund Goodrich for the Murder of Robert Gregory a Bailiff, who went to arrest him in an Action of Debt for 34 l. 10 s. by shooting him ; Sarah Tolley and Sarah Baylis for the Murder of their Bastard Children ; Nathanial Willis, for 2 Robberies, one on the Highway, and the other for taking from Benj. Stone 25 l. as he sat on the Ground, and running away with it, but return’d 20 l. of it the next Day ; Christopher Graydon, for the Highway ; Wm Dowell and Jonathan Willis for Housebreaking. Abraham Vaughan, for pulling down the Pulpit, and breaking the Pews of a Meetinghouse at Mitchel Dean, to be confin’d, being disorderd in his Senses. Sarah Tolley, and Wm Dowell were repriev’d for Transportation. The others were executed.
Macray, Emmerson, James, alias Black Jack, and Sellon, were executed at Kennington Gallows pursuant to their Sentence at Kingston Assizes. Macray died a Roman Catholick. They were all wounded in an Attempt to break out of Gaol, two Nights before, which Mr Taylor, the Keeper, being inform’d of, and that they were filing off their Irons, got his Assistants arm’d with Blunderbusses, Pistols, and Cutlasses, wnto to the Door, and desired Macray to make no desperate Attempt, for there was Possibility of his Escape. Macray replied, in their present desparate Circumstances they knew no body, and desired him to retire, for the first that enter’d was a dead Man. Upon this Mr Taylor order’d the Door to be unbolted and open’d a little Way ; which they no sooner heard but they discharg’d 8 Pistols, and one of the Keepers a Blunderbus, but without Execution, the Door between them being very strong. Then Mr Taylor and his Guard rush’d in, attack’d them with their Cutlasses, and overpower’d them immediately. Macray was wounded in his Head, and his Arm disabled ; Sellon desperately cut in several Places ; Emmerson had one Side of his Face cut away ; James was but slightly hurt. On Mr Taylor’s Part very little Damage was done. The Pistols were brought to the Prisoners in 2 Smoaking hot Pyes, by the Assistance of a Man at a House in St George’s fields, whom Emmerson, upon the Keepers threatening to dispatch him discover’d. One of the Keepers jingling his Keys at the Door of the said House, the fellow took him for Macray broke out of Prison, and opened the Door to let him in, but was himself apprehended.
The Figures, her Majesty had order’d for Merlin’s Cave, were placed therein, viz. (1) Merlin at a Table with Magical Figurines and Conjuring Books, taken from the Face of Mr Ernest, Page to the Pr. of Wales ; (2) K. Henry VIIth’s Queen, and (3) Q. Elizabeth, who come to Merlin for Knowledge, the former from the Face of Mrs Margaret Purcell, and the latter from Miss Paget’s ; (4) Minerva from Mrs Poyntz’s ; (5) Merlin’s Secretary, from Mr Kemp’s one of his R. H. the Duke’s Grenadiers ; and (6) a Witch, from a tradesman’s Wife at Richmond. Her Majesty has order’d also a choice collection of English Books to be placed therein ; and appointed Mr Stephen Duck to be Cave and Library Keeper, and his Wife Necessary Woman there.
Five Custom house Officers, with as many Soldiers and a Sergeant from the Tower all arm’d, bringing to Town 14 Bags of Tea which they had Seiz’d and put in a Coach were attacked at Lewisham in Kent by 4 Smugglers armed with 7 Blunderbusses, besides Pistols and Cutlasses, who swore, D – n them, they would kill or be killed, before they would lose their All. The Smugglers fir’d first, two of whom were killed by the Soldiers firing, and one taken, who was afterwards committed to Newgate ; the 4th escaped. One of the Officers had his Horse shot under him, but none of the rest, neither Men or Horse were hurt.
The Smugglers in Norfolk and Suffolk meet with better Success ; they go not only armed, but 20 or 30 in a gang ; so that they frequently make the Custom-house Officers fly before them.
Some Labourers were lately cleaning a Fish pond at Hempstead in Hertfordshire, they found a Bottle of Sack cover’d with Mud a yard thick ; on it were inscribed these Words, New Canary put in to see how long keep good, April, 1659, Ri Combe. The Mouth of the Bottle was wax’d over, and the Wine good, but the Cork was almost decay’d.
The Secretary
Society for Effectual Redress
c/o Kent’s Coffee HouseSir,
I beg leave to privily report a brief Matter to the Gentlemen of the Society.
Having spent a Period in the observation of the Activities of one Mr S— W— previously mentioned in Correspondence of the Society, I did most recently have cause to investigate these further.
Mr W—, in Public a noted Jeweller and Canophile has, it appears, been engaged in the secret manufactury of Idols for supply to and support of a notorious Dog Cult. Further, he has been keeping on residential Premises a caged Beast without, to my Knowledge, holding a Licence for the same.
In seeking to pre-emptively secure a part-finished sorcerous Idol from the possession of Mr W— myself and another Member fell immediately foul of a monstrous Pack of Dogs. This malefic, bestial Mob sought to interfere with our Activities in broad Daylight on the Streets of London.
Fleeing, but barely, from this savage Attack on our Persons we effected a Thames-side rendezvous that Evening to be attacked by Mr W—’s, now uncaged, Beast. My Companion Mr M— proved sturdy in Adversity and saw off the further vicious Attack at great Risk to his Person. Silver Bullets proved effectual – in particular the firing of these from inside the very Throat of the lupine Beast.
A swift Voyage down river proved necessary to consign said stony Item to deeper Water. Further reports on this matter are, I hope, to follow subject to my continued availability.
I remain Sir, at your disposal to provide further Information on Events.
Jack Church, Esq.
Mr Liste, Riding-Oficer at Colchester assisted by some Dragoons, seized 700 weight of run Tea, and 6 Horses, which the Smugglers quitted in their Surprize.
Ledbury Turnpike in Herefordshire, was pulled down by a large Body of People, notwithstanding Justice Skip defended it with a good Number of armed Men, who kill’d two, and took two others of the Rioters. Only two of his Party were slightly wounded ; but the Populace threaten to burn his house and kill him wherever they meet him.
After a Sermon Sir John Barnard, and Mr Alder. Godschal, Sheriffs elect, were sworn into their Office ; and the Keys of the Prisons deliver’d to them.
Sir John Williams, being next the Chair was elected Lord Mayor of the City of London.
The Countess of Suffolk was married some Time ago to the Hon. George Berkley ; Member of Parliament for Heydon in Yorksh.
The E. of Peterborough to Mrs Anastasia Robinson, some Years, but these marriages have not till of late been publickly owned.
SEPT 7. Mr Dothick, a Senior Proctor in Doctor’s-Commons, aged near 70, — to a young woman who live’d at the Mitre Coffee-house in the Commons, aged 23. Mr Dothick being the the last of the Name and Family, it’s said, married to prevent its being extinct.
15. Mr Peter Hale, called Capt. Hale, aged 21, of no Business nor Fortune — to Mrs Sarah Vincent, aged 74, worth 300 l. per Ann.
SEPT 14. The Widow of Capt. Dering, an old experienced Officer in the last War in Spain. She left 3000 l. to her two Neices, and one shilling to their Brother.
16. Mr Yardley, in the Fleet Prison, where he had been confin’d near ten Years in Execution for a Debt of 100 l. He was possessed of near 700 l. per Ann. and left in his Room Effects and Securities to the Value of 5000 l.
Mr Darkin reports that he, Mr Byron and Mr Arrows are continuing to investigate the Identity of the Pamphleteer and his Conspiracy.
A Report to the Society regarding Events in the Philosophical Realms, by Mr Solomon ben Ezra.
An Infestation in the Basement
Members will recall the accounts of Bamber Byron and associates of encounters with rogue bull cults in the Smithfield area of the city. They will recall that at the climax of the second of these encounters a hybrid creature – a Minotaur – was somehow conjured in a corrupted ritual from the labyrinth of passages below London. Its subsequent maddened charge around Smithfield was interdicted by the expedient of banishing it into the philosophical realms.
Doubtless this seemed at the time to be the best – possibly the only ; course of action available. Nevertheless, it is a dangerous thing, disturbing to the balance of the universe, for such a powerful and uncontrolled entity to be crashing around the Sephiroth, like the proverbial bull in the china shop. This is especially true of Yesod, the labyrinth in which operate the delicate mechanisms that underpin creation itself. This is where the creature was. So it was presented to me, by a Very Important Personage, who asked that I should take steps to deal with what he described as this “Infestation in the Basement”.
In hope of gaining some clues as to the origin and nature of the Beast and my good companions James Kirk and the Rev Munro made some enquiries. They discovered that the Harris brothers and their father were still in town, at the centre of an amateurish “occult” society of bully boys and yahoos. It seems that the Rev Bullstrode, presumed slain during the ritual that summoned the Minotaur, was the occult expert in the gang ; though he was clearly operating well beyond his competence. The Harrises mix cupidity and stupidity in equal measure, but like a blind man with a loaded blunderbuss could not reasonably be described as harmless. Society members might wish to continue to monitor their activities.
Nevertheless our researches brought us little benefit in addressing the central task of expelling the Minotaur from Yesod. Consequently, we decided to take the bull by the horns, as it were, by seeking the beast out directly.
Yesod is proximate to the Land of Dreams. Being something of a student of such techniques, I chose to approach it through a dream-state, which while far from safe was perhaps less perilous than a physical visitation. Taking my companions with me we made our way through the Gates of Bone to the entrance of Yesod itself. Even standing on the brink of that strange Realm we could discern the bellowing of the tortured creature trapped within. Screwing up our courage, for though it were but a dream, many of the dangers to us were as acute as if we had been there in body, we entered the labyrinth.
To cut a long story short I can say that we contrived to track the Minotaur to its lair. There we restrained it sufficiently for me to complete a ritual to banish it from Yesod. So it was that we achieved our goal, completing the task as set by the Very Important Personage.
However, the Beast was not destroyed, merely sent back to whence it came. Where that may be – the place where by its nature it belongs – I cannot for sure say. It may well eventuate that its natural home is in fact subterranean London. If so it may once more stray into the ambit of such ignorant, power-greedy fools as the Harrises. We must remain on our guard.
The Ld Mayor, Alderman and common council, pass’d a Resolution, that the City for the future shall be lighted with Globular Lanps, from Sun setting to Day break, every Night throughout the Year.
About Ten at Night, his Majesty after a Passage of 17 Hours, came to anchor before Harwich, but lay on Board the Royal Caroline. He landed early the 26th, and set out for Kensington, in a Calash, attended by the Marquis de la Foret, Great Chamberlain to His Majesty, as Elector of Hanover. At Two the same Day, he pass’d by the Royal Exchange, amidst the Acclamations of his People, whose Joy, his Majesty was pleas’d to receive, in the most gracious manner, by uncovering himself, almost the whole way, thro’ several Streets to St James’s.
Sir John Williams was sworn Ld Mayor of this City, and afterwards gave a magnificent Entertainment at Guild Hall.
A Vein of Gold was reported to be discovered this Month in a Gravel Pit, near Newport in Shropshire by a Virtuoso bringing some shining Earth to Town, which on Trial produced Gold.
Some Persons shooting at a Mark between Whitechapel Mount, and Shadwell Church, the Ball missing, kill’d a young Man sitting in a Skettle Ground.
An Account by Mr Solomon ben Ezra
An Enthusiastic Greeting
I was taking a dish of Coffee in Kent’s, as is my wont, with my good Friends and fellow Associates of the Society, Milord Foppingham and the Reverent Munro, when our quiet Converse was interrupted by a Disturbance at the Door afforded by the ineffective attempts of one of the Servitors to see off a small Dog – a Puppy indeed.
My friends and I drew nearer to draw some Amusement from the scene, but on seeing us, it redoubled its efforts to avoid the Broom of the serving Man and leapt straight into the arms of Lord Foppingham with much panting and licking of the great man’s Visage, dislodging several carefully placed beauty Spots. So extreme was its Pleasure at finding itself in my lord’s Arms that it quite lost control of its bodily Functions. It is fortunate that Lord Foppingham seldom requires to wear the same Coat twice.
To Munro and me looking on, there seemed something quite lupine about this small Creature, only months old, which made us exchange Glances, Memories stirring of previous wolfish Encounters in London intimately involving Milord. Foppingham was clearly similarly affected, for when the Puppy disengaged itself and trotted off, looking back from time to time as if to encourage us to follow, he set off in hot Pursuit.
At first it seemed as if the wolf Cub would take us back to Lord Foppingham’s splendid new London seat in Hanover Square. However, it was not to be, for it veered off and trotted up to the Door of a House in a nearby street – a house familiar to us as belonging to a Mr Wakefield. Mr Wakefield is a man well known to us and to the Society for his association with the evil Dog-cults infesting this City. No Friend to this Society, he has lately issued, no doubt on the basis of trumped-up Charges, a Warrant for the arrest of fellow member Jack Church. The Door opened and the puppy entered within.
A Vile Assault
Passing on, we were but a few hundred yards from Wakefield’s den when we were suddenly and rudely accosted by four street Ruffians. There was some feeble Pretence of asking Milord a Question and his first Instinct, generous and trusting Gentleman that he is, was to give Ear courteously. Munro on the other Hand was wise to their Perfidy and immediately drew Steel and skewered one Varlet neatly for his Perfidy. There ensued a sharp Encounter in which they showed their true Colours and we our Mettle – for even I was called upon to defend myself with my trusty Stave – which left three downed and one wounded and fled.
We called the Constables to take our Prisoners away, but before filing formal Complaint against them we took the opportunity to question them on their Motives and indeed, Motivator, for they were clearly not the Men to assail a Peer of the Realm in a busy Street in broad Daylight on their own Account. Their Leader, a surly Fellow, identified one Dogberry, an Acquaintance from some low Dive in the outskirts of the City, as his Principle in this Matter.
A Den of Iniquity
Of the Three of us it was clear that Munro would be least conspicuous in a low Dive – his Scottishness for once being to his Advantage. He was able to mix with the roguish Clientele with no Difficulty and made the acquaintance of the said Dogberry. However, although he was able to confirm Dogberry’s Identity as the main Mover in the Plot, he could not wheedle the full story from the Villain.
Promises, Promises
When we heard Munro’s Report we decided upon another Course of Action. Returning to the Three Yahoos, still in the Lock-up, we put it to them that were they to undertake to persuade Mr Dogberry to attend an interview with milord Foppingham then he in turn might be prepared to withdraw the Charges pending upon them. Realising that they were like to hang or at least find themselves headed for the Antipodes for their heinous Assault upon one of the most admired and worshipped Bodies in the Realm, they agreed with Alacrity.
So it was that a couple of Nights later these Gentlemen brought Mr Dogberry to a pre-arranged rendezvous. Mr Dogberry seemed somewhat the worse for Drink – at least he stank of Gin and arrived in a Wheelbarrow. He also appeared to have bumped his Head somewhat – presumably the Result of an excess of the Charms of Old Lady Gin.
It seems from our Discussions with him that Mr Dogberry is none other than the Fixer and Factotum of Mr Wakefield and was charged by him to discover the Whereabouts of Jack Church. Mr Wakefield had told him that Foppingham was a known Associate and might be a useful Route to finding Church. Although we did not doubt his Tale, clearly nothing could be proved on the basis of the Evidence of such a Scoundrel. Milord let Mr Dogberry off on this Occasion with naught more than a severe Wigging.
We would beg of the Gentlemen of the Society Discretion in this Matter. We promised Mr Dogberry that we would not reveal to his Employer that he had passed on his Secrets. However, it would behove Members, especially those who have had close Dealings with Mr Church, to be on their Guard.
An anonymous letter was found in the D. of Richmond’s Oark at Goodwood, Sussex, Directed to his Grace, and demanding 250 Guineas to be left at a certain Place therein mention’d, and in Case of Noncompliance Threatening to pull down his House, and Destroy every Thing belonging to it, and to Shoot his Grace. For the Discovery of the Persons concern’d, his Majesty has been pleas’d to offer his most gracious Pardon, and his Grace offers one hundred Guineas.
A Butcher was Robb’d in a very Gallant Manner by a Woman well mounted on a Side Saddle, &c. near Rumford in Essex. She Presented a Pistol to him, and demanded his Money ;he being amaz’d at her Behaviour told her, he did not know what she meant ; when a Gentleman coming up, told him he was a Brute to deny the Lady’s request, and if he did not gratify her Desire immediately, he would shoot him thro’ the Head&ndsp;; so he gave her his Watch and 6 Guineas.
A Note from Mr Bamber Byron
A Message Miscarried and Matters come to a Head
My Lord Foppingham and Master ben Ezra,
I have despatched Copies of this Missive to Mister Samuel Darkin (who was present) and Mister Lindsay, the Society Clerk, as it will be of Interest to both.
No more than a few Days since, Samuel Darkin and I were about some Business regarding a curious Artefact – of which more in due Course – when our Cab was interrupted in its Progress by One of those Fellows euphemistically referred to as “Gentlemen of the Road”.
Our first Knowledge of this was when our Driver let out an Expletive, occasioned no doubt by the Highwayman’s Lackeys porting a recently-cut Tree across the Road in front of us. Without further Ado, Mr. Darkin, a former military Man, flung the Door wide, stepped Outside, and had loosed off a Shot before the Blackguard had completed the Third Word of the Highwayman’s traditional Greeting. It met with some Success, curtailing any further Oration with a Cry of Pain, although the Villain was not felled.
Preferring to ensure that the Artefact was adequately Guarded, as we immediately thought it might be the Target of the Attack, I remained Strategically hidden in the Cab, taking advantage of the brief Intermission to draw my Sword and Pistol within the cramped Quarters.
Meanwhile, the wounded Man’s Followers advanced upon the Cab, concentrating on Darkin as they plainly believed him to be Alone. Their “Leader” trailed them a little, by cause of the Nick he had taken, but was plainly intent on following his Business through. Waiting until they were close upon us, I used my tactical Advantage to give one Pause by discharging my Barker in the close Vicinity of his Ear.
Momentarily outnumbered, Samuel ducked behind the Horses, dived to the Ground between them, and rolled to join me on the other Side of the Cab. Rising nimbly to his Feet with Sword in Hand, the Point carried away my deafened Victim’s hopes, leaving him no further Threat to us, nor the Vitality of the next Generation.
Taking Advantage of the Cab’s slight continued Movement, I stepped around its Rear to cross Swords with the remaining Footpads. Being more Direct in his ways, Darkin took a different Route. Stepping from the Sod, to Cab Door, to the Wheel, to the Roof, he took another Pace across the Cab before descending Boots first into the Fray.
As Matters chanced, we arrived more or less in Tandem. Before a fearsome Onslaught of Blades and Footwear the Ne’er-do-wells were apprised that they could ne’er do well in this Company, and with little further Resistance they were off, their Master leading the Way.
So much as was within our Powers, we set right the Damage: which is to say that I dispatched the Horse that was beyond Rescue, ordered the cab Driver forth from a Thicket, and called upon the Watch to remove the sorry Miscreant whom we apprehended crawling away from the Scene, pending our Complaint to the Magistrate. Mr. Darkin saw to it that his Incarceration would be sure until our Return.
We completed our interrupted Business – a Consultation regarding our Artefact – and then sought out the wounded Man in his Cell.
Assuring him that he was certainly condemned to a Tyburn Jig if we placed our Complaint before a Magistrate, we offered to forego our Duty if he could help us in tracing his Master. We found him little concerned, though, as to Dancing. Cut off in the Flower of his Youth, he lamented the Loss of his Orchids to such an extent that his only wish was to be carried off to eternal Rest in the Arms of Mother Geneva.
Having made Arrangements for the deserving Unfortunate, we departed for Cadgy Michael’s, a Den of Thieves North of Smithfield that “Captain” Smith, the Highwayman, was known to frequent. The Proprietor of the Establishment did not Demur at our entry, and was good enough to require the Presence of the “Captain” at our Request.
The “Captain”, face-to-face with his erstwhile Victims, showed the Courage one might expect from such a Leader of Men – always to the Fore in hanging Back. Sweating with Fear, both at his immediate Predicament and notably at the Breach of Trust we required of him, he told us he had been employed by Dogberry, a habitué of The Dog and Ferret ; and charged with asking us if were Members of a particular Society, before delivering the bluntest of Messages for “our old acquaintance Jack Church”.
Having perused the most recent Entries in the Society Journal, I expect that this News will contain little of genuine Novelty for Mr. Church, but I hope that you will keep the Gentleman informed nonetheless. I trust that other Society Members will also be alerted, since fore-Warned is fore-Armed.
Regarding our Artefact of Interest, we have determined it to be a Baphomet, or Bacon Head, of ingenious Design. Constructed of Brass and Leather, it gives the Appearance of Life without conscious Will, and can most probably used by those familiar with such Things to commune with Spirits. By Nature of its Construction – with leathern musculature – it is likely to have a particular Affinity for the Dead, and might suffer Haunting, and it is also likely to perish itself in due Course. It has an affinity with Saturn and Binah, besides Dark, Age and Death. It has neither actively not passively yielded further Clues to its Master. Other Information hints that it is the property of “ceremonial Builders of the Temple”, who wish for the Return of the Old Days.
Being loath to either use it or destroy it, we make it available to such in the Society as may have an Interest more Competent than our own in such matters of Tiphareth. It was retrieved in the Course of investigating the Cause of more-than-natural Lightning Strikes that took place in June ; the Chamber in which the Head was discovered had been the Recipient of at least One such Concussion, when through the Actions of your Servants the devilish Blow was prevented from striking its original Target. A Cellar of Thirteen curtained Alcoves concealed the Thing, where it rested, hooded, on a Spike of Rock upon an Altar. I enclose the Address of the Warehouse beneath which the Cellar lies on a separate Leaf. The Lightning had passed through Warehouse and Rock and All.
Your servant in the cause of Effectual Redress,
Bamber Byron
November 1735.
A Man of about 18 Inches high cover’d with strong Hair, was lately taken in a Field, near Longford by a Farmer, of whom the little Gentleman demanded Why he should be Stopped, for he was Travelling for the North in order to pass over for Scotland, but all his Intreaties could not procure him Liberty, the Farmer having been at the Expense of a Box to carry him about, and to make a shew of him. He speaks Irish and mimicks English.
By curious Chance the following Note has fallen into the Society’s possession.
The Tailor’s Tale
Jos,
I write in Haste, to tell that our fortune as good as made. Such a to-do in the Shop Today. My Master Mr Snipe having his new premises in a better part of the town, a better class of passing trade I must say. None other than Lord Foppingham himself!! Old Snipe scurried about sharpish with his tape as you might imagine, and I, being the senior journeyman, danced attendance. His Lordship stopped in to have emergency repairs – naturally we smoked who it was straight away, there being none other such gent for style. But himself been set upon in the neighbourhood, he had become, as his tastes went, unacceptably rumpled. Indeed, his neckerchief was a thought skewed. Moreover, his Lordship’s lower garments were foully besmirched by various unsavouries. You well know how these fine lawns do so soak up bloodstains, and other things besides. While Snipe set to with measuring, (and of course, besides the Drinks Money, F being most liberal therewith, I see there will be much left over cloth, or cabbage as we say – massive great huge bulging thighs Lordships have these days), F, restoring himself with a pint of cold Negus, related the affair. ’Tis all too common these days – a few Stout fellows in a narrow lane and it would have gone ill but for his companions – an old Jewish moneylender, and a Scotch vicar much given to brutal retribution when crossed. It seems F was reluctant to shed the blood of his fellow man at first. He tried only to deliver such mild rebuke as might serve to steer the wrongdoers back towards the sunny side of the law. But they proved incorrigible rogues, and once his ecclesiastical friend began to lop the fellow’s mates apart, there was an end to a nice clean fight – the sanguinary justice meted out by the reverend only a few feet away ensured the ruin of his ton, requiring the services of a tailor as quickly as could be. Now you well know how hard we have tried to find a right true opportunity, for our invention! So, quick as maybe I broached the subject of our patent blood-proof cloth. Our new style serge that will throw off bloodstains, brains, & the like seemed to interest him. Is it too much to hope that he may put our idea in the fashion? He spoke of whether it would also repel dog-hairs, of which a surprising number appeared about his breeches, not to mention what may well have been dog drool. At any event we ran up the new breeches quick as a flash, and in our fabric, his Lordship departing clad in our stuff! Sad to relate he insisted on taking the hairy, ruined britches with him that he came in – our right perquisite gone, but never mind it, if he but tell of us, to his fellows! I can’t think but what a wealthy Gent like him didn’t need them again. These aristos, eh?
Your brother in the Trade, Thomas
From Mr Solomon ben Ezra
In re: a Head
Dear Mr Byron
I most heartily thank you for sight of the “Baphomet”.
I hope you would not think me overly Punctilious or Didactic in Tone were I to point out that it is not strictly a “Baphomet”, that Term being normally applied to a Human Head, preserved or pickled entire, to make it an appropriate Vessel in which to capture a Spirit of some kind and compel it to speak. As you will no doubt have observed, the Superstructure of the Object in Question is actually most cunningly contrived from finely tooled Leather Strips fashioned to imitate the underlying Musculature of a Human Face. This immediately puts one in mind of a “Bacon” which is to say a mechanical Device that performs broadly the same Function as a Baphomet, but is entirely Artificial in Construction. However, aside from the Design and Medium of Construction – Bacons are generally large Constructions with a Myriad of artificial Mechanisms to permit, for instance, the issue of Sounds and are typically wrought of Metal – this differs in one significant Fundamental. This Device is wrought around a Human Skull.
It was this Observation that led me to a Line of Enquiry that allowed me to unlock at least some of the Secrets of the Device. For, I reasoned, why incorporate a Skull into the Device unless the Skull was in itself Significant? What could signify about a Skull but that it be a link to the Spirit that had once occupied it in Life? True, it might have been but a general summoning and imprisoning Device. However, I had a testable Hypothesis on which to base my Researches.
I will not trouble you with the Detail of the Measures I took to test my Hypothesis but suffice it to say it proved True. The Skull belonged to a holy Woman, possibly a Saint (there appears to be some Dispute and I am hardly qualified to Comment) of the Fourteenth Century by the Name of Josephine. The Gentlemen of the Coven you uncovered believed that she was once associated with an Artefact of great Power, and in the manner of such Fools sought to obtain it by interrogating her. In this Desire I believe they were thwarted for Two Reasons. The First is quite simply that although she did indeed possess this Thing when she lived it was taken from her when she died and she knows not whence it was taken.
The second Reason is more complex and fascinating. Philosophers understand that periodically the World as we know it has been subject to Changes in the Nature of Reality. Such Periods of Flux have been observed even quite recently (in historical Terms) – viz. the Disturbances that led to the Fall of the Phanaticks in England. Such gross Changes in the Fabric of Reality are usually related to the Manifestation of powerful Magics – whether due to direct Outcomes or the Intervention perhaps of GOD Himself to mitigate Damage and restore Balance to His Creation. I suspect that this Josephine was associated with just such a pragmaclastic Event and therefore belongs to a Past Reality that never was, walled off from the Rest of Creation or at least this Part of it. We must assume that this puts the Artefact in Question beyond normal Mortal reach – although the Ingenuity of Man, when it comes to meddling with that which is not Mete, is Boundless, as we well know.
I think there is more to this than I have yet discovered. Given what I have Theorised above, I am intrigued to know how it is that the Skull belonging to the, shall we say “alternate” Josephine comes to be in our Reality – for I am sure it is not that of the St. Josephine now known to our World. I also suspect that the “saint” may not be an entirely innocent Victim in all this. I believe she wishes to be reborn into this World and still nurses Ambitions to retrieve the Artefact and be once more what once she was.
I will, with your kind Indulgence, retain the Head where I can secure it from any potential Interference and study it further. In the Meantime I have set a Watch upon the Warehouse where it was discovered, in the Hope that the Coven still go there and can be identified. If you or your Associates have any other lead on them then I urge you to give Consideration as to how they might be apprehended and questioned about their Activities. I am concerned that this Artefact, were it to fall into the wrong Hands might be very dangerous indeed and we have reason to believe that this Society might consider these Gentlemen to be very much the wrong Hands.
I hope you will not take it amiss if I copy this Letter to the Secretary for inclusion in the Society’s Archives, to be made available to other Members who have a specific Interest. As ever I rely on Members’ complete Discretion.
I remain your very humble Servant
Solomon ben Ezra
Society Communications
The Attention of Honourable and ordinary Members is respectfully drawn to a present Incovenience in attending Mr Kent’s Coffee House. Despite stirling Efforts by Mr Kent’s Staff to drive them away, a pack of importunate Curs persist in endeavors to make the close Acquaintance of Passers-by in the Canine Manner of greeting. In Particular such Members of the Female or Highland Persuasion who do not already do so may wish to adopt Gentleman’s or Riding dress for the Duration in order to avoid Indelicacy.
Berry,
Secretary to the Society.
Gentlemen of the Society
Those recently attending our Sanctum will no doubt have noted the recent canine Infestation around Kent’s and experienced the ubiquity of canine Noses thrusting importunately at Members’ Members. As much curious as outraged, at first, I took it upon Myself to undertake some Investigation of what is clearly not an entirely natural Phenomenon.
I prevailed upon a couple of the Kent’s trusty Servitors to obtain Me one of these Dogs – a small One to minimise the Risk of Injury. In the Event the Cur proved quite tractable. It had a Collar which indicated an Owner and confirmed that this was no Stray or street Dog. I sought to determine more about its Aura and determined it to be surprising light, as if a Portion were missing. Intrigued, I undertook further Studies upon the Hound. Given what I had already marked about the Beast I was far from amazed to learn that it had been subject to philosophical tampering. I surmise that a Portion of the poor beast’s Essence has been abstracted from it, probably into some kind of Vessel or Fetish, in order that it be bent to the Perpetrator’s Will. In short it (along with some dozens of its Fellows) has been turned into a Pawn or Tool by an Intelligence that has taken an unwelcome and intrusive Interest in the Doings of our Society.
It seems more than likely that the Intelligence in Question is that of Mr. Wakefield and we are seeing yet another Episode in his Vendetta against our fellow Member Jack Church. It seems to me that Wakefield goes beyond the Bounds of what our Society should tolerate. Perhaps we should be considering a Counterblast to teach this Knave his Manners.
I invite your Comment.
Your humble Servant
Solomon ben Ezra
A report by Mr Solomon Ben Ezra
An Ægyptian Adventure
As fellow Members will be aware, Lord Foppingham and I have been amongst the Foremost in Calls for the Society to take punitive Action against Mr Wakefield for his importunate Invasions of our Privacy through the Agency of his canine Slaves. Unfortunately, in the absence of firm Evidence, permissible in a Court of Law, or a clear Course of Action that would allow us to arraign the Varlet in Public, we were forced to consider more indirect Means to obtain Redress.
Through various Intermediaries there had come into my possession a Statuette of Ægyptian Style that I believed had been fashioned by the said Mr Wakefield in the Image of the dog-headed God, Anubis. It had been so fashioned, I firmly believed, with the intention of summoning said Spirit to have it do his Bidding here in London. One does not have to be a particularly assiduous Student of the doings of Lord Foppingham and his Associates within the Society, amongst whom I have honour to count myself, to know that his noble Lordship takes an extremely dim View of Dog Cults and has been most active in their suppression. Realising Wakefield’s evil Designs I gave Thought as to how he could be most effectively thwarted.
In the Spirit of the Principle of Effectual Redress I directed my Thoughts to the Question of who would be most injured in the deployment of this Fetish. Although it would clearly have a deleterious Effect on many for Wakefield to accrue to himself yet more secret arcane Powers, I came to the Conclusion that the most direct Victim would in fact be Anubis himself. Reasoning thus, it immediately became clear that the most appropriate Action would be to present the Idol to Anubis himself. I put this idea to Milord and he readily agreed with my Proposal.
Having come to this View, my next Task was to devise a feasible Strategy to obtain an Audience with Anubis and present him with the Statue. Observant Readers will recall the Incident, now some years past, when we investigated the Temple of Anubis in Bartholomew Fields. It will be recalled that I reasoned then that the “Temple” was in fact an Extrusion into our World of Iconic Ægypt and that I thought to obtain a Handful of Sands from the Booth containing the Sphinx. Making full use of that physical Component I devised a Ritual that allowed me to transport myself and my Companions, Foppingham and the pious but martial Scotsman, Munro, to that Realm.
There we encountered many wondrous Adventures: we fought Sand Warriors in the Desert; we obtained Advice from the Sphinx; we wandered lost in an endless Complex of Tombs and strange Dwelling Places, gathering a strange Company of wandering Souls and defeating a Troop of dog-headed Soldiers to escape; we braved Crocodiles and a giant Serpent on the Banks of the great river Nile; we took passage on the Ship of the Sun and guarded it against the Horrors of the Night. At length we came to the Courts of the Dead where we found Anubis.
It would be untrue to say that we found a warm welcome from Anubis. However, he treated us courteously enough, accepting our Gift of the Statuette made by Wakefield to entrap him and returning us to our right Place and Time. Now we can only await what, if anything, eventuates from this Action. We have most certainly ensured that Wakefield can never successfully summon Anubis and bind him to his Will. This, to my Mind, is a worthy Outcome in itself. However, it remains to be seen whether Anubis will pro-actively revenge himself on this Man for his impertinent Ambitions. He may well not and it may yet fall to the Members of this Society to ensure that the Dangers he represents are mitigated. I propose that we await and observe for a while to see what occurs.
Some more detail has been added by Lord Foppingham, via his amanuensis
Berry, old Chap,
Plaguey sorry – such a Week this, with no Time between Tailor, Bootmaker, Sword Cutler, and so forth. Now I did pledge you an Account for the secret Files of the late Business touching the Dogs. But having so little advanced the Business, I all but despaired of concluding it, when, in Kent’s I came upon a small Group in the Corner. I remarked but a usual Group; the Rev Munro’s Bible studding Class. Very popular with a certain Element of the mobile vulgus, many of their more combative Spirits were happily sharpening the big brass Studs to fine Points and closely following Munro as he put a good keen Edge on the steel corner Reinforcements. But one Lad, a more genteel Spirit, plied but Pen and Ink – an industrious Scribbler of the Town. Intrigued, I sat down with a Dish of Coffee as the main Part of the Classes dispersed to the Slag & Strumpet public House to practise their new Skills. Munro in his usual good Mood, made the Introductions. Evidently the Lad was a young, pious Member of his Congregation, well schooled and a rising Member of the Grub Street sort. He seemed glad enough to render an Account in the new modern Style, which I direct to you under the Cover below. Methinks it seems a thought florid, but better I suppose than Nothing. The Lad is of course to be relied on to be the Soul of Discretion; I left them with Munro amusing himself by idly practising with what he would jocularly refer to as his “Fortieth Article”, a small weighted Cosh that he keeps in a side Pocket to help expound the finer Points of Doctrine. “If it be that they prove unwilling” he would aver “to subscribe to the Thirty-nine, then why, I find the Fortieth answers very well to any stirring of heterodox Opinions”.
Yours in haste,
Foppingham
An Account of the late perilous Travels of F, b-E, & M
Three Figures appear, shimmering out of the heat Haze at the top of a great barchan Dune. The Prospect before them, a Place that might daunt the Stoutest. Heat and Sand, laid under a burning Sun. Far to the West; Buildings, perhaps. No green, no Water. No Sign of Life, for this, is the Land of the Dead.
But what manner of Hero might dare such a Place, to stand yet living in the Realm beyond?
The Reverend Munro!
No mild-mannered Curate, no cringing milquetoast Equivocator this! Formerly a feared Enforcer for his Grace the 5th Duke of Pelforth, Laird-Bishop of Glendriech. A mountainous Diocese, peopled with hardened Presbyterians of the most savage and minatory Demeanour. The Bishop’s Tithes must thus be gathered by Horse, Foot, and a small Park of Culverein; a Command more usually thought fit for a Right-Reverend if not a Very-Reverend. It is said that this Ecumenickal Hector once mastered an entire Congregation of Thrift-crazed Clansmen to his Will, armed solely with the sharpened Edge of a collection Plate. Now he stands forth equipped with all that his keen martial Wisdom and the finest London Makers could afford him.
Solomon Ben-Ezra!
Of is his Origins little is known; yet evidently, many Chapters of begatting must have been involved. Floppy his Hat; flowing his Beard; furrowed his Forehead! His beady yellow Eyes scan the Landscape, and he mutters some learned Phrases to himself. Inscrutable as ever, he gestures forward; confronting the Arcane as from the Summit of a Sinai of Wisdom and Lore.
The Honourable Charles Cholmondely-Fitzroy, Lord Foppingham!
What can be said of him? Why, but that, as much here as at a fashionable London Rout, his Costume and Accoutrements radiate exquisite good Taste.
They stand awhile, gazing. Then, as one Man, the Trio set off for the West.
They do not get far.
As they slide their way down the steep Slope of the Dune, three manlike Figures rise from the Sand ahead. Somewhat man-like in any Event. The huge Claws and grinning Fangs give the Lie to their Humanity, as their Onrush signals their malign Intent. The Encounter is brief, but sharp. The Rev Munro plies his Steel, only to be taken aback, as his Enemy shrugs off his Thrust with a rock like solidity, as though he had hit a Tree or Pillar of Stone. All Three of the Heroes find themselves embroiled in a murderous Struggle, slipping and tumbling on the steep treacherous Ground. Ben Ezra makes Havoc with a Staff, Lord F his Small-sword. Firearms bark – his Lordship pistolling a Monster, the deeper Grunt of a Blunderbuss in Munro’s capable Hands. Luckily the Demons, though resilient, are unequal to the skill of the Men. Once struck hard and with Purpose, their strange Life trickles Sand-like away, leaving Nothing but churned Sand to mark their going. Rumpled Clothing is straightened and Guns reloaded. They march on.
Across the Plain they toil. Despite the Heat there is a spring in their Step. Foppingham’s Ton remains unruffled. As Stars appear in the darkening Sky, ben Ezra draws to a Halt, before a great Maze of Buildings. Through a great Gateway, a broad paved Avenue leads between massy worked Stones, to where a Sphinx bulks huge against the Sky. Foppingham and Munro exchange the briefest of Glances, and fall into Step, flanking their mosaic Sage as he strides forth towards the Sphinx. They draw near, and Men gather from all Sides. Their Leader, robed like a Priest of those Days, bids them welcome to the Temple of Hapsheput. Courteously he withdraws as they confront the Sphinx. Solomon ben Ezra tells it of his Quest; to return unto the god Anubis a certain Artefact. An Item created in the World of Men by a presumptuous Dabbler in the Occult. The Sphinx’s response is both advice and warning.
“Seek Anubis in the Courts of the Dead”, she intones. “You must ask Ra for a ride in the Boat of the Sun, for Six of the Twelve Hours. It will be Dawn when you are ready to leave – seek Sun at the end of Day, but beware the Guardians of Day; you must prove your Worth to stay in this Realm”. Finally, she commands “you may stay here until Dawn. Mentep! Provide hospitality!”Mentep proceeds to make welcome the Guests, and the Three are fed and given a Place to rest. Once recovered, the cunning of ben Ezra is applied to their Weapons; so that his Lordship’s Smallsword can bite upon the uncouth and eldritch Foes in that strange Underworld. So too with the well-used Blades of the Rev. Munro. By his Arts he sees to it also that they each enjoy some Immunity to the fierceness of the Elements.
As prophesied, when they declare themselves ready, Dawn breaks over their departing Forms. West again, they head, seeking the River. But their path is obscured. A vast Jumble of Buildings, Walls, Streets lies between them and their Goal. It is no easy Matter to find a true Path. With the Sun at their Backs, they make slow Progress through the many dead Ends of the silent City.
After some Time, their Senses – made sharp by long acquaintance with Danger – give Warning. Someone, or some Thing, is following them. In a Trice they are waiting in Ambush around a Corner. They are rewarded by a clear view of their Pursuers, who wander past without noticing them. At that, their grip on Weapons relaxes, a little. For the group now wandering innocently away having lost their Quarry has no threatening Demeanour. Indeed, from the squabbling going on between them, it becomes clear that they are lost, and in Trouble. A strange fellowship they make. A Man encumbered with a great serpentine Trumpet, People in Gowns, People in Trousers; some armed, some not, with a motley assortment of Weapons. One peculiar Figure seems almost like a Ghost, floating oddly above the Ground and cowled in a long Robe. Once accosted by ben Ezra they offer, indeed, no Violence, but rather beseech the Aid of the Adventurers in finding a way to the River. It is clear that the Heat has not been kind to them. The oddly disparate Group is but a convenient banding together in the face of Danger. How they arrived there and from whence seems as diverse as themselves; Sabd of Orleans, Toehessett of York, Herta of Erin. There is Marabu, Byka, and Kemmen. One speaks of Byzantium, and the eldritch floating one names himself as Het.
They are not disappointed. Solomon exerts himself with an Augury, and by his Guidance, the Band now sees, a little way off, a Watchtower. “Let us to that high Place and look forth”, he advises. Their new Allies baulk somewhat at this Notion, since Experience has taught them of the Dangers that lurk in such Buildings. But, their Resolve braced by the presence of new Comrades, they take up Position behind Foppingham and Munro. One of the strongest of them is set to fling the Door open, and his Lordship and the Reverend storm over the Threshold at their Head. Within, their Foes await. In form, manlike, but with the Heads of great Dogs. These vicious and determined Guardians fall upon Foppingham, who has much Trouble to force a Way forward. The Thing Het falls upon one of the Guardians, and the Result is not to its liking. Foppingham winces and looks aside. A Gap in the Melee offers him a Chance to leap forward, making Space for Munro, but leaving him with little Option but to charge forward into the Press. Behind, Munro and some of their new Companions press on in a bitterly fought Encounter with the remaining Guardians. He presses Home with both Lead and Steel, and a bloody little Melee ensues. Even their great Size and Ferocity though prove of no Avail. At length, the heroic Munro reaches the Roof, all Firearms spent and his Sword bloody, to see his Lordship stood over a last Guardian. Alas, its final Act had been to call loudly over the silent City. Beyond Doubt it was a Cry for Reinforcements. They take a brief Rest, and reload Pistols – Munro accepts one of Foppingham’s silver Bullets, and re-arranges his Collection of Weaponry. Circling overhead is an enormous Vulture, recently chased from the roof as Foppingham duelled the last Guardian. From its Nest of Sticks comes a small Hoard of Gems, and a richly worked Coronet with a Snake Motif.
Great is their Valour; so too their Discretion. From this Vantage the Route to the River is readily to be seen. And in that Direction they make off. The Day is fading, and fresh Guardians surely on their Way. There is but one Wall barring their Way. Of their Number only Het cannot overcome it, and must turn to ben Ezra for assistance. Somehow he is, by no very evident Power, pulled bodily through the Wall. It seems the Expedient is a harsh One, for he is thereafter much changed, and shrunken in Form.
And so at last they reach the Quay, where the broad Waters of the Nile are rendered orange by the setting Sun. Out from that fiery Glare, a black Form approaches, resolving into a Boat of curious Shape. It glides towards the Quay. It seems that all will yet be well, but as the small Band make for the Path out to the Wharf, the shapes of Crocodiles rear up. They are immense, antediluvian Beasts with Teeth to match, set in their huge gnashing Jaws. The Humans come to a stand; the bold plunge into Combat while the timid shrink back into the Ruins. But Time is running short and the Day almost gone. While there is yet Time, the Wisdom of the Israelite comes yet again to the fore. He has crowned himself with the snake Coronet, and at his Gestures, incredibly, the great Reptiles cower; fawn and recoil. The Way is clear – and yet, of the Band that followed ben Ezra, Foppingham and Munro to the shore only Het remains alive and forward enough to dare the Path to the Wharf. A few Stragglers remain, but as they eventually steel themselves to dare hopefully forward their Chance is gone. The Sage leads his Companions to the Boat. A young Woman welcomes them, Hemmet the Daughter of Ra. Her Crew – a colossal dung Beetle fully Two Yards across – scampers up the Deckhouse and the Boat sets Sail out onto the darkening River.
As they voyage through the Night, the Nile rages and foams, and from the tumbling Waters come Monster after Monster to assault the frail seeming Boat. A Hydra, a Giantess – these and more lurch out of the Darkness and must be dealt with. The Three Heroes play their just Part, standing proudly with the Beetle against the Enemy. Finally, a Lull. They have reached the Sixth Hour of the Night and take their leave of the Boat and of Het. Through rough Caverns and painted Halls they go; into the Courts of Anubis. Now the Judge of the Dead is a busy Fellow. Even so, he smells a Rat – a living Body – all too soon. “You shouldn’t be here” says he, and all might have gone ill had not ben Ezra explained their Quest. The God is not much mollified, but does at least now turn the greater Part of his Ire towards the Dabbler. Woe unto him, once he shall presume to tap the Powers anew! Taking the Artefact from them, he gestures… dismissal. And with no more ado, they find themselves cast, back across the Void. Pulled back to the Realms of the living, their Anchors – baked Clay, Bricks, the good Earth of native Land – see them Home. From the dusty Floor of a London Pawnbroker’s Shop they arise, brushing themselves off. For this is the Land of the Living, and it is time for Coffee.
Inserted for Variety sake, and to divert the Reader at this Season
Good Captain Hare to Bristol bound,
A French Ship just on sinking found,
And Fifty Souls receiv’d on Board,
Who movingly his Aid implor’d.
They soon, forgetful of his Care,
Forc’d him away for France to bear,
That Shore approach’d, Jove storm’d amain,
And angry drove them into Spain,
Where when the Treach’rous Act was told,
The Magistrates secur’d their Gold,
And touch’d with this inhumane Action
Assign’d the Captain Satisfaction.
Here G A L L I C gratitude you see
To B R I T I S H Generosity
To Chandos’ Duke a Patent giv’n,
(Bless his Endeavours bounteous Heav’n,)
To search the Bowels of the earth,
And to a Golden Age give Birth,
To smelt, and from its Dross refine,
The Product of a Stafford Mine.
This Patent long ago was granted,
But News was in the Journals wanted.
From Abingdon we had Advice,
Of the sad Consequence of Dice.
Two Friends contending at Back Gammon,
And greedy of that Idol Mammon,
By Passion or by Wine misled,
The Nephew stab’d his Uncle dead.
The Sessions at th’ Old Bailey Ended,
Justice to execute intended,
Where Malefactors 87
Were fairly try’d—condemn’d 11,
To Four of which we wish good Journeys
Two Bailiffs followers, two Attorneys.
This Truth I am about to tell,
Will seem almost incredible.
A Gentleman had two Bank Bills,
Which to secure from reigning Ills,
He wrapt them in a Cover close,
Then down into his Cellar goes,
And Slyly laid them on a Tressel,
Betwixt the Scantling, and the Vessel.
But Spite of all his prudent Care,
Some Thieves had found them ev’n there.
But ruminating on the Case,
And Situation of the Place,
He thought each Circumstance a Proof,
The Villains lodg’d beneath his Roof,
And in an Instant did determine,
How to discover these vile Vermin.
The Rat— here Thief-catcher was brought,
Cunning as Jonathan ‘twas thought,
Who ransack’d all the Cellar round,
Till he the valu’d Treasure found.
(Viz.) Two Bank Bills intire and whole,
Lodg’d in a safe but private Hole.
The Wrapper into Atoms rent
Was scatter’d round the Tenement.
Let Vertuosi now declare
If Rats to Reason have no Share.
| Abortive and Stilborn | 590 | Inflamation | 22 |
| Aged | 1595 | Itch | 1 |
| Ague | 6 | Leprosy | 9 |
| Apoplexy & sudden | 196 | Lethargy | 8 |
| Asthma and Tissick | 477 | Livergrown | 10 |
| Bed-ridden | 10 | Lunatick | 29 |
| Bleeding | 3 | Measles | 10 |
| Bloody-flux | 13 | Miscarriage | 4 |
| Bursten and Rupture | 19 | Mortification | 167 |
| Cancer | 58 | Palsy | 39 |
| Canker | 11 | Pleurisy | 55 |
| Childbed | 192 | Quinsy | 19 |
| Cholick Gripes and Twisting of the Guts | 317 | Rash | 1 |
| Consumption | 4064 | Rheumatism | 12 |
| Convulsion | 7572 | Rickets | 107 |
| Coughs and Hooping-cough | 81 | Rising of Lights | 21 |
| Dropsy | 1050 | Scald Head | 2 |
| Evil | 26 | Scurvy | 2 |
| Fevers and Purples | 2544 | Small-pox | 1594 |
| Fistula | 8 | Sores and Ulcers | 34 |
| French Pox | 102 | Stoppage in the Stomach | 162 |
| Gout | 38 | Surfeit | 3 |
| Gravel, Stone, & Strangury | 38 | Swelling | 1 |
| Grief | 14 | Teeth | 1342 |
| Head Ach | 1 | Thrush | 55 |
| Headmouldshot, Horshoehead, and Water in the Head | 143 | Tympany | 1 |
| Jaundice | 154 | Vomiting and loosness | 19 |
| Imposthume | 16 | ||
| CASUALTIES | |||
| Broken Limbs | 4 | Kill’d by a Boar | 1 |
| Bruised | 1 | Made away themselves | 49 |
| Burnt | 6 | Murder’d | 15 |
| Choaked in Eating his Dinner | 1 | Overlain | 97 |
| Drowned | 99 | Scalded | 2 |
| Excessive Drinking | 69 | Smother’d | 2 |
| Executed | 19 | Stabb’d | 1 |
| Found dead | 19 | Starved | 3 |
| Fractured Skull | 2 | Strangled | 1 |
| Killed by Falls and several other Accidents | 54 | ||